


비호하다 // ほご // Shelter

by qloss_ily



Category: K-pop, TWICE (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Also I'm dyslexic so this is shittily edited., Also hints at artist!Jungyeon, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Anxiety Attacks, Basically they're all musicians., Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, But on the DL/low key, But only if you squint, But only in one chapter so far., Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Depression, Drinking, F/F, Fluff, Gen, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Mostly just insinuated., No Sex, No Smut, Phobias, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, There's Nayeon x Jihyo, Trigger Warnings, Well... studying music., slow build sort of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-02-28 12:37:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 26,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13271610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qloss_ily/pseuds/qloss_ily
Summary: "Sweet girl, maybe close the world off and look at her for an houror two.This is your fairy.It ain't perfect and it ain't honey sweet with roses on the bed.It's real and raw and ugly at times. But this is your love.Don't throw it away searching for someone else's love. Don't be greedy. Instead, shelter it. Protect it. Capture every second of easy, pull through every storm of hardship. And when you can, look at her, lying next to you, trusting you not to harm her. Trusting you not to go.Be someone's someone for someone.Be that someone for her."― Charlotte Eriksson*(A Jungyeon x Momo (Jeongmo) fanfiction.)*pronouns in the quote were changed as necessary.





	1. September I

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter Trigger Warnings:  
> Anxiety Attack  
> Depression References  
> Phobia References

_“There are two types of people in the world: those who prefer to be sad among others, and those who prefer to be sad alone.”_  
_―_ _Nicole Krauss_ _,_ _The History of Love_

 

            The cool granite made her palms cold as she hunched over the sink, her long hair falling into her face messily. She felt her throat convulse and she gagged before pressing a hand over her mouth to keep the contents in her stomach. After a moment she stood on unsteady legs, trembling with a throat that burned. She choked again, this time on a sob. Her eyes were like glasses, all too full of water that sloshed dangerously at the edges with every movement. Suddenly the glass overfilled, or maybe it tipped over from teetering on the edge of a table, shattering against the floor, either way, tears fell from her eyes like a heavy rain and bathed her skin in damp salt.

            Sobs flew from her mouth and everything felt dark and hopeless and gloomy. Quick hands threw open the drawers built into the dark vanity, dumping their contents onto the floor. She shuffled through them until she found what she was looking for. She leaned into the vanity to keep herself as still as possible as she raised the scissors to her long hair, chopping off the long locks in quick, messy motions. She dropped the shears into the sink and sunk down onto her knees, the mess of toiletries and other products along with strands of her long dark hair littered the floor.

            And she just cried, her arms wrapped around her legs as she did. She just cried, tears rolling like white caps on the blue ocean. She cried and cried until her eyes turned dry and her breath went ragged. Day fell into the night, the blue afternoon sky bled into purple, orange, and fiery reds as the sun set and the sunset fell away into the dark. Black spilled across the sky carrying stars in its wake, silver light dripping through the window shade. She just slept, her body curled up on the bathroom floor heavy from sad exhaustion. In her deep sleep, she couldn’t have detected the rising sun or the vibrant gold rays that filled the bathroom.

            Instead, she slept, exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally. She was completely and utterly drained. This is how it was and, she supposed, this is how it always would be. And to put it simply: she was a mess, a complete, utterly chaotic mess of a human being. That is also how it was, and, again, she supposed how it always would be. Beyond that what was known was minimum, very very little. From this point on everything was a disarray of guesses and hopefully good charades to make it. There was no solid destination in her future, only wherever her choices would talk her.

 

_And, my, did they take her somewhere unexpected._

♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ ♭

 

_“She was a genius of sadness, immersing herself in it, separating its numerous strands, appreciating its subtle nuances. She was a prism through which sadness could be divided into its infinite spectrum.”_  
_―_ _Jonathan Safran Foer_ _,_ _Everything Is Illuminated_

 

 

            It was unusual and slightly uncomfortable like a pebble in your shoe. The thing was, South Korea wasn’t completely foreign to Hirai Momo. However, she had spent a year abroad in her home country of Japan and her return to a South Korean university felt odd, to say the least, and it would take some getting used to to get back into the swing of things. The optimistic girl struggled to navigate the once familiar campus and find her dorm, anxious to meet her roommate. That wasn’t the only thing on her mind though. The Japanese girl was also trying to sort out what she wanted to do exactly. She had applied for the required core classes temporarily –despite the fact she already took them– but she had absolutely no idea what she wanted to study. Her attention shifted from one problem to another when she found herself standing in front of the door to her dorm.

Momo mustered up the courage and unlocked the door, opening it slowly. There was a small hall leading from the door -Momo imagined it was a genkan- and a bathroom on her immediate right. When she stepped into the open room it was almost split down the middle. The side on Momo’s left was clean, mostly white with the exception of the wood furniture that came with the dorm, and the variously patterned pillows on the bed varying colors which seemed oddly out of place in the mostly monochromatic decor. The possessions seemed minimal: some CDs, a number of books and notebooks, watercolor paintings on the wall, and an open case that housed a saxophone.

            The sudden sound of a door opening and shutting sent Momo spinning around fast only to be caught off guard by a rather androgynous looking girl. Her short hair was only little shorter than bob length and dyed blonde. The other girl was taller than her by a few inches and just stared coolly at Momo before stepping around her and plopping down on her bed. Momo realized her mouth had been open all this time and snapped it shut quickly before leaning over in a long and low bow.

 

“I’m Hirai Momo, it’s nice to meet you.” She straightened up slowly and uncertainly.

 

            The girl just mumbled a soft “mmm” before noticing Momo looking at her expectantly.

 

She bowed to Momo, “I’m Yoo Jungyeon.” That’s all she said before turning and becoming immersed in something.

 

            Momo’s bottom lip poked out in a small pout as she frowned.  _So stubborn._ Almost everyone she had met had liked her right away.  _Why so indifferent?_  Momo huffed quietly to herself as she began to unpack her things, making her bed with a quilt made from pink floral patterns, many stuffed animals, and a couple dozen notebooks were set on her desk. During all this Momo had a bright idea: food always brings people together and when she turned around to invite her mysterious roommate to lunch she was gone. The shorter girl grumbled and collapsed on her bed with a sigh of exasperation. This would be the most challenging thing of all.

            It frustrated Momo how little they talked. Jungyeon was hardly ever there when she woke up and when she got home after class she was still out or asleep. There were only a few exceptions, sometimes when Momo had time during the day Jungyeon would be in the dorm with her, but they hardly spoke beyond the occasional “hello” and “have a good day.” It completely irritated Momo. She never tried to press her luck with her roommate. This is how it always was for them. Small talk, curt greetings, light nods in acknowledgment. Momo hated it and she didn’t hate things easily.

            Of course, while that situation was unfolding Momo made other friends. The first was a Japanese girl by the name Myoui Mina. She found Momo locked outside the library without her keycard and she happily let her in. This was a common occurrence. Mina introduced Momo to her other roommates: Park Jihyo, Im Nayeon, and Minatozaki Sana. This elated Momo because, not only was Mina Japanese, but Sana was too. Both happily helped her adjust along with Nayeon and Jihyo’s help. All the while Momo made these friends she was still determined to befriend Jungyeon. She would bring her left-overs from eating out with her friends or surprise her with little doodles. Nonetheless, Jungyeon continued her stoic silence. Momo couldn’t help but be intrigued by her.

            There was something about her that just attracted Momo. Her roommate always seemed to have a detached facade to her but there was warmth that just drew her in. Momo knew there was more to Jungyeon under her stoic looks. She suspected it had something to do with her past –despite how cliché that sounded. She decided it was better not to know. Despite that, she persisted. Once, Momo watched as an underclassman (a koohai to her) offered Jungyeon a handkerchief as a sign of affection. Jungyeon took it humbly and told her to focus on her studies instead. This only made Momo’s heart flutter. She knew her roommate wasn’t so big and bad after all!

            But Momo had a long way to go still. The girl didn’t falter, at least not until the night of the storm. You see, there were very few things Momo feared. She is a dancer so crowds were no problem and public speaking was a breeze. In fact, her greatest fear was one of childish proportions but still frightening regardless. Astraphobia was something she dealt with her entire life. Yes, Hirai Momo was deathly afraid of thunderstorms. It was unexpected, the weather had been fair all since uni started. Sun and a light fog on occasion but no storm clouds in sight until that very afternoon and Momo  _knew_. When classes were canceled because of the storm Momo thought her soul lifted from her body.

            She buried herself in her dorm, a cocoon of blankets surrounded her in attempt to muffle the cracking lightning and howling wind, but the booming thunder was worst of all. Jungyeon was nowhere in sight. When the door open and a burst of light sneaked into the room, Momo poked her head out from under the covers and watched as Jungyeon walked in, the door shutting behind her. Thunder rolled above them and Momo whimpered quietly, her body shaking under the sheets as Jungyeon prepared to crawl into her bed. A clap of thunder sent the room shaking and Momo leaped from her bed in distress and over to her roommate, a reflex she had since she was a little girl.

            Jungyeon seemed slightly confused at this behavior and it was clear on her face she was trying to decipher what was going on. Without speaking she turned and pulled out a hotplate, letting it heat up. The Korean girl set a kettle on it with water, patiently waiting for it to boil as she found a clean mug for Momo. It was a silly clear mug with cat whiskers on it by the rim so you looked like a kitty when you took a sip. Momo smiled at this because she felt she was seeing a softer side of her generally impassive roommate.

            When the water was hot Jungyeon put a tea bag in it and let it steep before passing it to Momo, who was still wearing her bed sheets like a cape. The brunette sipped the hot liquid carefully, allowing the warmth of the mug to seep into her fingers and palms and it was oddly comforting. She thanked Jungyeon softly who nodded in response before sitting on her bed and plugging her phone in to charge. When the Japanese girl finished the tea, the heat making her feel nice, she graciously thanked her roommate again who made her usual “mmm” sound in response. An awkward silence settled over them and Momo set her mug down before awkwardly shifting her weight from one foot to another as the rain poured and rattled against the roof.

The shorter girl opened and closed her mouth as she tried to piece together a sentence, or, at least, a fragment of one. She was cut short when thunder rumbled again and sent her latching onto Jungyeon again. The blonde stiffened slightly before gently running her fingers through Momo’s hair to calm her down. Momo’s hands gripped Jungyeon’s shirt like her life depended on it. With every roll of thunder she shivered and whimpered out of fear and Jungyeon couldn’t help but feel protective. She slowly helped the short brunette into her bed and covered both of them under her heavy sheets. With a quiet breath, she hummed until she felt Momo fall completely asleep.


	2. September II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who said it was easy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Trigger Warnings:  
> Phobia References  
> Mean Comments/Remarks

_“I can't eat and I can't sleep. I'm not doing well in terms of being a functional human, you know?”_  
_―_ _Ned Vizzini_ _,_ _It's Kind of a Funny Story_

 

            When Momo woke up she felt confused. Her bed sheets weren’t white and as her eyes accustomed to the lights on in the room she realized she was in Jungyeon’s bed. _It was real?_ Momo rubbed her eyes with gentle hands until Jungyeon came out of the bathroom, drying her hair with a towel.

 

“They canceled classes due to flooding on campus. There’s still more storms to come.” She said nonchalantly as if Momo in her bed was a regular occurrence.

 

            Neither of them said anything as Jungyeon laid her towel over her desk chair and styled her hair with quick movements of her hands. Momo raised the sheets up over her mouth and nose to cover a light blush before pulling them completely over her head as Jungyeon got dressed. Something landed on Momo’s legs and she carefully glimpsed over the sheets to see one of her stuffed animals on Jungyeon’s bed. She picked it up and held it in her arms as her roommate picked out a large jacket to wear.

            Momo didn’t notice Jungyeon glancing at her occasionally in the mirror, a faint smile on her lips. When Jungyeon first saw Momo she had a very vivid first impression. She described her as slightly shorter than herself, her hair looked black but when the light hit it just right it was actually a dark brown. Her eyes were dark but had a glow like pools of honey. She smelled like cherry blossoms and strawberries which Jungyeon liked. This morning Momo was in pale pink pajamas with little rabbits all over them and Jungyeon found them cute despite the fact they didn’t match the rest of her own decor. (Although they matched Momo’s perfectly.)

            Momo watched as her blonde roommate disappeared into the bathroom again and came out with a headband, tossing it at Momo before sitting down in front of her. She dropped the contents in her arms on the bed and sat down.

 

“You have nice skin, don’t forget to take care of it.” She said casually.

 

            Stammering, Momo pulled her hair back into a ponytail and slipped the headband over her head to pull her bangs back. Jungyeon used her hand to tilt up her roommate's chin, using a wet washcloth to dampen her skin with gentle dabs. In slow circular motions, Jungyeon carefully applied a face wash and Momo couldn’t help but blush slightly. She felt her roommate freeze and she looked up at her slowly.

 

“Your skin is turning red. Am I being too heavy-handed or are my calluses hurting you?” She asked.

 

            Frankly, Momo never noticed the calluses on her hands, they didn’t bother her now that she knew they were there. The brunette stuttered before settling on just shaking her head. Jungyeon continued the routine in silence, taking great care to be gentle with Momo. When Jungyeon rose from the bed and returned the items to the bathroom Momo used a finger to poke at her skin, it was softer than usual and she smiled to herself. Jungyeon returned again and tossed a packet at her which had a face mask in it.

 

“Relax. Rest. You had a long night.” The taller roommate said pulling a big jacket on.

 

            Momo’s roommate zipped up her jacket and spun around, slipping out the door and allowing it to slam shut behind her making Momo flinch in response. _Stupid Jungyeon._ Momo pouted and fell back into her roommate’s bed, inhaling her scent. It wasn’t something sweet like Sana who smelled like vanilla cake and Nayeon who smelled like candy apples or Mina and Jihyo who smelled like expensive perfume. It was more fresh and summery. Momo decided it was eucalyptus and mint. She liked that smell a lot and inhaled deeply to try and memorize it. There she went again: trying to be angry at Jungyeon only to fall back into her fascination with her.

            Momo spent her morning and better part of the afternoon cleaning the room. After she finished her skin care routine as she was told she decided to tidy up in the promise it would please Jungyeon. She made her bed and swept and organized her shoes by the door. She finished unpacking her things and threw away the last box. She took no notice of the rain starting to fall at first until the room went dark as clouds drifted over the sun. She turned on some music to block out the sounds outside and hoped for the best as she hummed to herself. Momo was just about to make Jungyeon’s bed when she decided to eat. That is when she noticed the rain, now substantial and opaque.

            The momentary bliss ended when Momo realized something. _“Classes are canceled…”_ Jungyeon’s voice bounced around Momo’s head and made her stomach knot. _If classes are canceled where did Jungyeon go?_ A secondary thought occurred that sent the brunette leaping from her roommate’s bed. _“More storms to come.”_ Frantically, Momo raced around the room pulling on a random t-shirt and tucking it into a denim skirt, a pair of black tights and striped tall socks, yellow rain boots, and a random jacket from Jungyeon’s pile. A beanie was added for good measure before Momo swallowed her fear and went out in search of her roommate.

 

♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ ♭

 

 _“I'm lonely. And I'm lonely in some horribly deep way and for a flash of an instant, I can see just how lonely, and how deep this feeling runs. And it scares the shit out of me to be this lonely because it seems catastrophic.”_  
_―_ _Augusten Burroughs_ _,_ _Dry_

 

Not a student was in sight because of the storm and Jungyeon had the music room to herself. Her fingers danced over the keys of the grand piano with such a grace and finesse that you would think the keys were made of fragile glass. She hummed the chords to herself and for a moment she felt her anger melt away. To be fair Jungyeon wasn't entirely sure why she was so bitter towards her roommate. She didn't do anything wrong. In all honestly, Momo was Jungyeon's exact opposite. She was happy and easily excitable, her voice matching her personality being a higher pitch than her own which was lower and sassier. It wasn't annoying to Jungyeon either, she found it tolerable and kind of endearing.

Jungyeon pushed the thought away. Her feelings were no one’s business but hers and that was all good and well. It _was_ all good and well. Looking at the clock Jungyeon supposed it had been a few hours now and she could hear a heavy rain coming down in dense sheets. A streak of lightning flashed outside and the lights cut out in the building. Her fingers froze above the keys and Jungyeon came to the conclusion that leaving Momo alone when another storm was to be expected was an awful decision and she mentally beat herself up. Yet again there was a prime example of her anger getting the better of her.

Without hesitation, Jungyeon gathered her things and went out into the rain. She plodded through puddles and felt her clothing get soaked. With her sensibility thrown to the wind, Jungyeon raced upstairs to her dorm despite the wet patches she left and could’ve slipped on. She nearly threw the door open and her breath hitched. Immediately she ran to her bed and threw off the sheets and noted a pair of Momo’s shoes was missing. Momo was gone and her heart stopped. When thunder rumbled deeply over her head Jungyeon forgot her sense of caution and went back out into the rain. With the water pelting her skin and creating a thick haze it was hard to see. She tried to shield her eyes with her hands but it only worked so much.

The blonde tried not to think about what could happen to Momo because of her selfish actions and instead trudged on through muddy spots and ignored the water soaking into her shoes. Jungyeon’s heart pounded in her chest and she could hear her blood pulsing in her ears as she stumbled blindly through the storm.

 

“Momo!” Jungyeon cried out desperately.

 

She turned when she thought she heard something to her right and she went running, screaming again “Momo!”

 

“Jungyeon!” The blonde’s heart raced and she felt like collapsing when she found the tiny figure of Momo pressed up against the main office building, the awning over the door was very small and she was drenched.

 

            When thunder and lightning crashed like two cymbals, Momo dropped to her knees and tried to flatten herself against the building as she cried. Jungyeon took off her jacket and draped it over her roommate’s shoulders before bundling her up in her arms carefully. As the rain came down heavy and the heavens bellowed with thunder and lightning, Momo latched onto her and wept. Slowly, Jungyeon wrapped her roommate’s arms around her neck before lifting her up. She felt Momo pressed her face into her neck when thunder struck through the silence and the Japanese girls hands played with the blonde's hair anxiously. In silence, she trekked back to their dorm. Both were equally exhausted and wet. The walk back made Jungyeon feel worn out, and not because Momo was heavy, but because she was worn out from worrying. Her bones were also sore from running so much and being out in the rain.

            The walk up the stairs was the worst, but when Jungyeon got to the dorm she found that Momo had tidied the room. With a small sigh, she gently set Momo on the bathroom floor.

 

“Clean up. Relax. Rest.” She said before leaving Momo alone in the bathroom.

 

            Jungyeon gathered Momo a change of clothing as well as clothes for herself and set them on the counter before shutting the door between them and peeling the wet clothes from her skin.

 

♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ ♭

 

 _“There is some kind of a sweet innocence in being human- in not having to be just happy or just sad- in the nature of being able to be both broken and whole, at the same time.”_  
_―_ _C. JoyBell C._

 

            Momo only took a short shower because she just wanted to rinse off her skin, scrubbing it with soap would only make it irritated. That was just an excuse; she didn’t want to be alone. The sight of Jungyeon lying in bed reading a book made Momo feel oddly irritated. She didn't say anything until the Korean girl looked up and noticed her roommate staring at her.

 

"You should be resting." She said, and it came out harsher than intended.

 

Momo fidgeted for a minute before slinking to her bed in shame like a scolded kid. She wrapped her blankets around herself and watched Jungyeon with sly glances every now and then. She was taken aback by her roommate’s sudden cold behavior. She wanted to scream and yell at her but all that came out of her mouth came out in the softest voice.

 

“Why are you acting this way?” Momo whispered.

 

“It was stupid of you to go out into the storm.” Her voice was sharp and harsh. “You should've stayed inside. What if you got hurt?” She snapped and Momo flinched back.

 

“What is wrong with you?” Momo whispered.

 

Jungyeon just became rigid for a moment and Momo, instead, took the liberty of finishing the conversation herself. “Forget it.”

 

            She dropped down into her bed and pulled her sheets over her head, rolling over with her back facing Jungyeon for good measure. She almost fell asleep until she thought of what Jungyeon said this morning: _You have nice skin, don’t forget to take care of it._ The Japanese girl mumbled a quiet curse before getting up and starting her nighttime skincare routine. In the middle of it the door to the bathroom opened and shut quietly but neither said anything to each other until Jungyeon, standing with her back against the door with a stern look on her face, cleared her throat quietly.

 

“I'm sorry. I'm not good with people. I'm blunt and crass sometimes.” The blonde crossed her arms over her chest as she watched Momo who splashed cold water on her face.

 

The brunette dried off her face and stood back to face her roommate. “That’s no excuse to treat me this way.”

 

Jungyeon looked surprised for a moment before responding. “I’m not angry with you. I’m angry with myself for making you worry about me. I almost got you killed.” She said in a level voice.

 

There was a faint silence before anyone spoke again, this time it was Jungyeon again. “I am really sorry.” She sounded so sincere and Momo's heart panged in sympathy.

 

Momo was going to suggest sleeping on the floor together but Jungyeon scoped her up into her arms with a swift movement. “You can sleep in my bed again.”

 

            The taller Korean girl carried Momo easily to the main room and set her down on her bed lightly. Momo noticed that the stuffed animal was back on Jungyeon's bed after moving it back during her cleaning session that morning. Jungyeon followed her gaze and made a small “hm” sound before looking back at Momo.

 

“You took one of my jackets didn’t you?” She asked to change the subject.

 

            Momo only hummed in response as Jungyeon reached over her to get a book. When she tried to lean back Momo caught her shirt with her hand. Jungyeon looked down at her for a moment before setting the book down on her nightstand.

 

“What?” The blonde asked.

 

“You’re really warm.” The brunette said shyly.

 

Jungyeon smiled slightly at that.

 

“Your neck is nice too,” Momo said shyly for once.

 

Jungyeon looked startled before collapsing face first onto her bed with an embarrassed laugh. Her voice was muffled by the bed as she said “Really?”

 

            The blonde rolled over onto her side and looked up at Momo with a look on her face before sitting up again. She wasn’t sure what the look was but the brunette decided it was one of mixed emotions.

 

“Did I embarrass you?” Momo asked carefully.

 

Jungyeon just stared at her before lying next to Momo quietly. Momo thought she said something but when she looked at the Korean girl she just looked back at her as if expecting Momo to say something. She quickly looked away and played with the sheets in silence, allowing Jungyeon’s warmth to make her sleepy. As her eyes began to feel heavy Momo slid further down into the bed, her head against her roommate's shoulder. As she glanced up at the blonde she whispered a quiet goodnight before finally letting the fatigue carry her to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *in DJ Khalid voice* Another one.


	3. September III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neutrality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Trigger Warnings:  
> N/A  
> ((All fluff))

_"I waste at least an hour every day lying in bed. Then I waste time pacing. I waste time thinking. I waste time being quiet and not saying anything because I'm afraid I'll stutter."_  
_― Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story_

Time went by either very fast or very slow. It had been a week and a half since the storm and not much had happened between the two roommates. On this day, in particular, Momo woke up and Jungyeon was gone but a note was left on her bed. She yawned and rolled out of bed, picking up the note and reading it as she stretched out. Jungyeon was asking Momo to meet her in the music room at noon. When the brunette looked over it was 11:00 and her heart skipped a beat. She whispered one good insult at herself in her native language of Japanese before racing to get ready. She straightened her hair, earning a burn or two, and threw on a plain, white long sleeve t-shirt and a light pink overall dress. She pushed her sleeves up as she patted makeup over her dark circles before pulling on a white baseball cap and a pair of sneakers and racing out the door with her backpack over one shoulder.

The campus, of sorts, was pretty when the weather was nice. The buildings were sleek and mostly glassy with hints of various stones and brink to offset the modern flair of the campus. The quad was lush and green, students sparsely laid out and dotted around the space, and the cherry blossom trees surround the field was already bare of their blossoms and preparing to loves their leaves for fall. However, Momo much preferred to spend her time in the studio. (The dance studio, that is.) Momo took the stairs two at a time to save time as she ascended stairs to the music building. When she approached the door, Momo realized, yet again, she forgot her badge and couldn't get inside. She paced outside the building, anxious as the minutes ticked by.

"Momo!" The brunette turned to see a familiar face.

"Jihyo! Hi!" She jumped excitedly at the sight of the pretty black-haired girl.

At Jihyo's side was a shorter girl who looked a little younger than both Momo and Jihyo. She had lighter, gingerbread colored brown hair. It was a little shorter than Jungyeon's and made her look like a cute little mushroom, for lack of a better description.

"Oh, Jihyo, who is this?" Momo asked motioning to the cute, younger girl.

Jihyo smiled and nudged the girl forward, "This is Chaeyoung. She's a sophomore this year." Chaeyoung waved shyly and smiled at Momo which made her heart melt. "We're actually collaborating on a song together for a music project. We were on our way to see Jungyeon about the sheet music. What about you?"

Momo rubbed her arm sheepishly, "I'm supposed to be meeting Jungyeon too but I forgot my ID badge."

Jihyo laughed and Chaeyoung smiled, "You're always doing this, Momo!" Jihyo exclaimed, teasing the older brunette. "I'll let you in again but you need to get more organized!" She scolded lightly, scanning her badge which unlocked the door with a quiet click.

Momo thanked the Korean girl sincerely a dozen times and made genuine small talk with her as they walked upstairs. Chaeyoung talked about her advanced music classes and how she was only 19. Momo was amazed and congratulated her, telling both the girls she was eager to hear their piece. They both smiled at her proudly and soaked in the positive encouragement from the Japanese girl. As they trekked down a hall on one of the upper floors of the building, Momo began to hear the distinct sound of a grand piano wafting through the hall. It got louder when she reached the door, the notes eager to meet her.

The three girls cracked the door wider so they could all peek inside and view the welcomed sight inside. Jungyeon was at the piano playing a song, her face creased in concentration as she did. Momo smiled at the focused blonde girl and noted her cozy style. Today she was wearing light wash jeans, a gray and black striped t-shirt, and an oversized brown sweater on top. Glasses were perched on the end of her nose and Momo had never seen her wear them before but the thing that made her smile the most was that Jungyeon seemed to be in her element. The song went on, Jungyeon's melodic talent was beautiful but under the light pooling from the window, she was more beautiful than the song by far.

Jihyo and Chaeyoung welcome themselves into the room but Momo stayed behind in the doorway. They gave Jungyeon some sheets and she played the music for them on the piano and they listened and waited for her opinion on the composition which was titled "Eyes Eyes Eyes." Jungyeon stopped playing abruptly and looked at the sheets again before turning slowly to the two girls.

"Did I..." She looked at the Korean girls, "Were those parallel fifths I played just now?"

Jihyo looked guilty but still had a small smile on her lips, "I'm sorry," she said quietly, beginning to laugh.

"We're those parallel fifths?!" Jungyeon exclaimed dramatically.

"Don't hate me!" Jihyo cried between bouts of laughter.

Jungyeon said something about hemiolas before playing the piece all the way through flawlessly a few times over to get a good feel for it. Momo watched for a couple minutes before finally speaking up.

"You're very talented."

Jungyeon was startled, her hands hitting the keys messily all at once making a loud sound. She shook her head and turned to face her roommate, trying to rest her elbow on the piano only to hit the keys again accidentally and surprise her again. Jihyo and Chaeyoung laughed before excusing themselves politely, smiling at the brunette on the way out.

"I'm alright." She said coolly, trying to recover from her minor fumble.

Momo smiled at her roommate and was about to say something when Jungyeon stopped her. "Did you forget your badge again? You were late."

Momo's eyes dropped to the floor in shame and she tucked a strand of hair behind her ears, "Maybe..."

Jungyeon rolled her eyes and stood up, pulling the cover over the piano. "You need to get more organized."

"Not true!" Momo gasped.

"Throwing things into your backpack isn't organized." The blonde pointed out.

"It usually does the trick." The Japanese girl mumbled halfheartedly.

She pouted for a minute before snapping back into her usually bubbly self. She dropped her bag on the floor and walked up to Jungyeon, throwing her arms around the girl.

"I'll do better!" She promised.

Jungyeon smiled slightly and made her "mmm" sound in response.

"Why did you want to see me?" Momo asked finally, the anticipation starting to kill her.

"You'll see," the Korean girl said pushing her glasses up her nose and taking Momo's hand before getting her own bag off the floor.

The Japanese girl scoped her bag up from the floor and let her roommate lead her out of the building. When they exited the building the faint but sweet scent of the cherry blossoms swirled around them and it reminded Momo of her shampoo. They walked together in silence and despite her greatest efforts, the brunette couldn't help but watch her roommate as they crossed the campus. When they paused at a stoplight waiting for their chance to cross the street Momo laced their fingers together, watching in amusement as Jungyeon looked down at their hands, her cheeks dusted with a light pink. She looked back at Momo, not noticing the light changed until her roommate nudged her along.

They arrived at a small park Momo hadn't noticed before on her walks. Jungyeon led her to the edges where a large grassy field was, bigger than the campus quad, and it was almost empty. The blonde picked a spot under a large tree and unzipped her backpack, laying out a blanket for them before sitting down with her bag in her lap. Momo did the same but placed her backpack by her side instead. The brunette wondered what her roommate had planned and while she wanted to ask she didn't need to because right then Jungyeon pulled out a large bento and passed it to Momo.

The Japanese girl opened it and was elated to find her favorite foods inside. Her mouth watered at the delectable scent of the items in the container. She turned to Jungyeon, absolutely beaming.

"Did you make this?" Momo asked.

Jungyeon nodded, "It was fun to try something new," she said pulling out something for herself.

Momo's heart leaped at the kind gesture and she couldn't help but blush a little bit. "Thank you for this."

Jungyeon hummed a quiet "mmhm" before digging into the food she made. Momo did the same and wanted to moan in satisfaction at the delicious flavors. Restraining herself from eating it all at once she instead grabbed a piece of jokbal with her chopsticks carefully, balancing the bento in her lap as she held a hand under the meat and offered it to Jungyeon who leaned forward and carefully pulled it from the chopsticks. She licked her lips to get the rest of the soy sauce off her lips, blushing when she noticed Momo watching her with a grin. Jungyeon, in turn, shared her ddeokbokki with her roommate with a small glimmer in her eyes.

When both of them had finished, the Korean girl tucked the containers back into her bag carefully before leaning back against the tree. Momo took this opportunity to lay her head in Jungyeon's lap, enjoying the feeling on her hands running through her hair and braiding it softly and methodically.

Momo looked up at Jungyeon, her eyes half-lidded as she did, "Jungyeon?"

The blonde shifted her attention from nature to her roommate, "Hm?"

"You're very handsome," The brunette said.

Jungyeon looked down at her with an eyebrow slightly raised, "Handsome?"

This time it was Momo who made the "mmm" sound.

The fell into a silence, and it wasn't a painful one like how it used to be when they first met. It was a comfortable, mutual silence that they shared willingly. In the quiet Jungyeon continued to lace Momo's hair into braids while the brunette used delicate fingers to stroke along her roommate's jaw and neck. The Japanese girl froze when she heard music wafting through the air, she looked up at the blonde in curiosity.

"What is that sound?" She asked.

"Amor," Jungyeon replied nonchalantly.

"What?" Momo felt her cheeks heat up.

"There." The brunette followed her roommate's hand to see five girls practicing a dance together, mouthing the lyrics as they did.

"Oh." She mouthed in humiliation.

Momo watched as the sun dipped into the horizon and the sky began to turn various shades of orange, red, and violet. It was then it occurred to her how long they had been in the park and how tired she felt all of a sudden. Jungyeon helped her up and leaned her up against the sturdy tree trunk as she cleaned up and stuffed the blanket into her backpack before wrapping an arm around the Japanese girl's waist to steady her as they walked back to their dorm together. The brunette couldn't help it, but as she watched her roommates face on their way home she began to smile widely at the blonde.

The once stoic and mysterious Korean girl had slowly revealed herself to be a gentle giant per se. As Jungyeon turned to see the Japanese girl just smiling at her, her cheeks tinting a soft pink, she came to two conclusions. When Momo smiled it felt like the entire world stopped to stare. Her face beamed with happiness which showed in every aspect of her like a warm rose-gold glow and Jungyeon decided her roommate was the sun and her smile made the moon and stars envy her. Then Jungyeon decided another thing: she was slowly falling undeniably and inexplicably in love with Hirai Momo.

Whether this was an entirely good thing or an entirely bad thing was unbeknownst to both of the girls. It was hovering in neutrality at the moment but there was bound to be change, there always was. So the two accepted the inexact uncertainty of the entire situation and instead just focused on the sun slowly melting into the horizon like ice cream against warm cement. It was a subtle niceness to it, for once everything just felt imperceptibly right. The dorm building grew as they approached, loaming tauntingly and Momo was exceptionally exhausted. Her feet shuffled against the group and she lagged a few steps behind Jungyeon.

"Come on." Momo looked up to see Jungyeon kneeling slightly and it took her a bit of pondering to realize what exactly was being offered.

Sluggishly she wrapped her arms around the blonde's neck and as she slowly straightened up to her feet the brunette wrapped her legs around her roommate's waist. She felt grateful to be off her feet which ached from walking and fresh forming calluses from dance. Softly, she nuzzled her nose against Jungyeon's neck, her soft skin and fresh scent made everything fall into place and those sensations combined with the movement of the Korean girl climbing the stairs made Momo nod off a few times. There was something cushiony under her and it took the Japanese girl a few blinks to fully register she was curled up in her bed.

She shivered under her covers, the warmth they provided was nothing like her roommate and she didn't think she would be able to fall asleep now. Acceptance washed over her as she pulled a stuffed rabbit against her chest until something heavy made the mattress dip slightly under her. The covers shifted and suddenly an arm slipped over her side with such a tenderness Momo felt like she was being treated like an expensive porcelain doll. She turned over and pressed herself into the source of warmth, her head just under Jungyeon's chin. Everything felt... right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll I'm trying to do this while reading the Outcast update.


	4. September IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awkward...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!Second-Hand Embarrassment Warning!!!  
>  Chapter Trigger Warnings:  
> Slight Nudity

_"Imagine smiling after a slap in the face. Then think of doing it twenty-four hours a day."_

_― Markus Zusak, The Book Thief_

At first, it was a game to see if she would notice. Every so often Momo would sneak one of her plushies onto Jungyeon's bed. At first, she would find them back on hers but then she noticed it took longer and longer for them to be returned until a few of them found permanent residency on the quiet girl's bed. Sometimes when she couldn't sleep Momo would catch the Korean girl curled up with one of the stuffed animals in her arms as she slept. When the blonde would go to class the Japanese girl would sit on her roommate's bed, hold the toys, smell the familiar scent of eucalyptus and mint, and smile to herself. Sometimes she would even spray her perfume on them lightly for Jungyeon, the smell of cherry blossoms settling into the fabric.

Then one morning Momo found herself awake at what most would have described as the crack of dawn. As her eyes became more attentive and less blurry she was able to see her roommate slipping on one of her own oversized sweaters before leaving. She couldn't help but blush. That day she made a point to wear one of Jungyeon's big sweatshirts to class and when they met for lunch at a tiny sushi bar neither said anything until Jeon Somi, a friend of Jungyeon's, served them since she was working part-time. The bubbly girl made light conversation until she made a subtle statement that threw off the rest of the conversation.

"Are you wearing each other's clothes?"

Both of the girls blushed profusely. Jungyeon hid her face in her hands while Momo pulled the jacket over her mouth and nose. Somi giggled and winked at them before excusing herself to help three girls at the register. There was an awkward silence the rest of the meal and as they walked home Momo made a point of lingering a few feet behind in embarrassment. They were almost home when Jungyeon whipped around to face her suddenly, causing Momo to collide with her with a quiet "oof."

"Why are you being so quiet?" The blonde asked.

This certainly took her roommate by surprise. "Excuse me?"

"You've been silent the entire walk home. Why?" She asked a little softer this time.

Momo looked down at her hands, pulling the long sleeves down so they hide everything but they very tip of her fingers. "I thought you were upset with me," She said keeping her eyes low.

Warmth enveloped one of her hands as Jungyeon took one in hers. "Why? For wearing my clothes? I don't mind," She said as she tugged on Momo's hands to gain her attention. "Besides," she continued, "how could anyone be mad at you?" She smiled softly and the Japanese girl couldn't help but smile too which made Jungyeon smile wider.

The brunette linked their arms and walked close together. They walked together until they found themselves at the coast, walking along the sandy beach where boulders spotted the shore. Late in the afternoon, like it was now, the beaches were only speckled with the occasional person. Momo followed Jungyeon's lead as she took off her socks and shoes and laid her sweater neatly on the ground. Momo took off her jacket and shoes, watching as the blonde rolled up the hem of her pants neatly and stowed her glasses safely with her sweater. The air was warm but as the sun started to bleed into the shades of dusk a slight autumn chill met the air.

Jungyeon took Momo's hand and led her to the edge of the water. When the small ripples lapped at her toes she shuddered at the borderline frigid water. It took a moment of getting used to as they slowly inched into the water.

"Jungyeon it's so cold!" Momo shivered again.

Jungyeon turned around to face her, her mouth curving into a small smile. "Come on then." She crouched slightly in the water and allowed Momo to wrap her arms around her neck. "Big jump," she said quietly.

Holding her breath, Momo jumped and wrapped her legs around her roommate's waist comfortably. The blonde straightened up and supported Momo easily as she waded into the water. The Japanese girl buried her nose into Jungyeon's neck and let the familiar smell ease her. Accustomed silence greeted the girls as they strode through the ocean. It was serene until a sudden drop off caused Jungyeon to drop quickly when the ground disappeared from under her feet. Both girls fell into shoulder deep water, soaking their clothes and the very ends of Momo's hair. She gasped in surprise at the cold around her and turned to Jungyeon with wide eyes.

 ****Jungyeon was laughing but it couldn't conceal the pink spreading over her cheeks. Momo's eyes scanned her roommate slowly; her shirt was sticking to her skin and you could tell she wasn't wearing a bra that day. Her eyes immediately shot back up as she crossed her arms over her own chest. She shut her eyes to avoid looking anywhere unwanted and took breaths to steady her racing heart. The white fabric of her shirt was sheer and the brunette knew you could see straight through it. She swallowed and felt herself shiver involuntarily until wet arms wrapped around her. Her eyes opened gradually until she was face to face with Jungyeon, their noses only a millimeter apart. Her mouth fell open and her cheeks burned when a blush swelled over her skin.

"You're cute," the Korean girl whispered.

"I'm cute?" Momo asked politely.

"Mmhm. You're cute." She repeated again.

The brunette's heart pounded in her chest, racing uncontrollably. "Momo, you're shivering."

 ****Momo hadn't noticed she was shivering so profusely. Jungyeon lifted her up bridal style and carried her to the shore, making sure to keep her out of the water. When she reached dry sand she gently set her roommate on her feet. The blonde picked up the sweatshirt Momo wore that day and slipped it over her before wrapping her sweater around her shoulders. With ease the Korean girl lifted the brunette up again and carried her back to their dorm, smiling at the feeling of warmth radiating from her. The cold of the impending fall made the wet clothing feel icy cold and heavy. Despite the many layers, the Japanese girl couldn't retain any warmth even if she tried. Upon entering the room Jungyeon sat Momo down in the bathroom and retrieved a clean change of clothes for her.

 ****She departed, allowing the brunette girl to get undressed in peace. When Momo was finished she hung her clothing over the edge of the shower with a towel on the floor to catch any drops of water. Jungyeon knocked on the door, waiting until Momo's soft voice to allow her inside before stepping in and copying her roommate my hanging her sopping clothes over the shower door. Nothing was said as both the girls walked back into the main room. They crawled into their respective beds but after months of sharing one or the other it didn't quite feel right and their sleep was restless and unsatisfying.

♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ ♭

_"I don't know what they are called, the spaces between seconds– but I think of you always in those intervals."_   
_― Salvador Plascencia, The People of Paper_

****When she woke up, Momo knew she was in trouble. She rolled over and everything seemed to ache. Sweat glistened on her skin despite how cold she was and it made her feel sticky and damp. Her nose and cheeks hurt from being congested and her lips felt like they were getting chapped from breathing through her mouth.

"Jungyeon..." Her voice came out nasally and she hated it.

 ****Over and over she quietly called her roommates name until the taller girl finally woke up. Her hand was used to prop herself up as she looked at her roommate.

"Momo? What are you still doing in bed?" The blonde mumbled sleepily as she rubbed her eyes.

"I don't feel good." She murmured in response.

 ****That's all it took to get Jungyeon out of bed. In a split second, she was by her roommate's side, with her hand on her forehead. The Korean girl's brows knitted together as she frowned. She stalked into the bathroom and ran a washcloth under cold water, twisting it to get the excess out, and carrying it back to Momo, laying it on her forehead.

"I have to run to the store but I'll be back in a bit. You can crawl into my bed if you would like to."

"Jungyeonnie..." Momo didn't mean for the affectionate nickname to slip out but it was too late now, "Don't leave me."

"Five minutes." She promised before slipping out the door.

 ****Time seemed to trickle by slower since she was sick and Momo was bored out of her mind. Tossing and turning to get comfortable only made it worse and sleeping only made her feel more exhausted when she woke up. So when the door opened and shut she didn't have the energy to roll over and see who it was. A hand softly touched her shoulder and the brunette lifted her head slightly.

"Hey," Jungyeon whispered, sitting on the edge of her bed.

 ****The blonde helped her sit up slowly and with gentle fingers, she began to braid Momo's hair back. When she finished the plait she poured a cup of juice and gave it along with some medication to the sickly girl who took them gratefully. She downed both without protest and tried to lean against Jungyeon but she had other ideas.

"No." Momo pouted at her stern response. "You have to wear one of these if you do."

"No Jam." The brunette called her roommate which meant "no fun."

 ****The Japanese girl finally looked at what her roommate was holding: a package of pink medical masks that were stitched with various fruits. She frowned but complied regardless and put one on which happened to have a peach on it.

"Mina told me your name means peach so I thought you might like these," Jungyeon said quietly putting the supplies away as neatly as she could before crawling into bed with Momo. "plus they're pink."

 ****That earned a small smile from Momo even though the taller girl couldn't see it. Jungyeon allowed her roommate to rest her head against her chest, using her fingers to brush through her bangs which stuck to her forehead which was still wet from the washcloth. The blonde wasn't sure what it was about her, it could be the soothing feeling of fingers through her hair or the sound of her heartbeat, but Momo fell asleep almost instantly. If she asked the Japanese girl would tell her it was just because it was Jungyeon and it was as simple as that. However, she was in a deep slumber so the taller girl was left to wonder. After some time and her wrist starting to hurt, the blonde carefully untangled herself from her roommate and the mess of blankets to pull out her keyboard and a stack of clean sheets for composing. When she turned around brown eyes met hers.

"Did I wake you?" The Korean girl whispered.

The sick girl just shook her head and drowsily watched the taller girl set the piano up by the end of her bed so she could keep watch over her. Momo smiled at that because she got to watch, not only her roommate play piano but also she got to see the more motherly side of the tom-boyish girl. It made her feel all warm and special inside. Jungyeon hummed as she played the piano and a thought stuck Momo all of a sudden.

"Can you sing, Jungyeon?" She asked groggily.

The question caught her off guard. "Right now?"

That made the bedridden girl giggle, "No. Just can you sing?"

Jungyeon tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "I'd like to think so." She said sheepishly.

Momo smiled, "Can we do something tomorrow?"

"If you feel better," Jungyeon thought for a moment, "I'll take you to the salon with me."

A wide smile spread across the Japanese girls face and she nodded. Her arms wrapped around the plushie as she pretended it was her roommate instead. As hours lolled by Momo drifted in and out of consciousness as the Korean girl played the piano and scribbled notes across her sheets. When she woke up the last time Jungyeon wasn't there. Her heart raced as the brunette looked around the room despite still being dazed from just waking up. It took her some time to comprehend the sound of music playing along with the shower running and then being shut off from the bathroom. It then took her some more time to conclude it was Jungyeon and when she came out wrapped in a towel Momo rolled over quickly feeling her cheeks go aflame with red.

The room sat in silence until the covers were pulled off of Momo's face.

"You're awake." She ran her fingers through the brunette's hair softly.

Momo looked up at her before turning her red face away quickly.

Her roommate's fingers gripped her chin and forced her to look her in the eyes. "You're red. Are you feeling bad again?" Her hands pressed gently against the Japanese girls face checking for heat.

She just shook her head. "I feel fine."

Jungyeon let out a slow breath. She obviously cared about Momo a lot, well... obviously to everyone but her. She pulled the sheets off her roommate and helped her to her feet.

"You should shower and change. I'll strip the sheets off your bed." The blonde said pushing her roommate in the direction of the bathroom.

Momo took the hint and did as she was told: showering off and changing into a fresh set of pajamas. The steam in the bathroom smelled like strawberries and it made her nose feel a lot better. Towel drying her hair, Momo exited the bathroom and was met by fresh sheets on her bed and Jungyeon waiting patiently for her. When the blonde noticed her she extended a hand and invited her over. Pleased with the situation, the brunette laid down in her roommate's bed without a care. Jungyeon loomed over the smaller girl, their faces so close together and their respective scents mingling in the air. Licking her lips, Momo looked up at her roommate.

Jungyeon stared down at her and took in the sight. Her roommate's pale, flawless skin. The way her long lashes framed her eyes as they remained relaxed and half-lidded. The Japanese girl allowed her eyes to flutter shut as she leaned forward but was met with air. Her head dropped back onto her pillow and she opened her eyes to find her roommate sitting up and pulling her laptop into her lap.

"How about a movie?" She asked, purposefully avoiding any other subject.

Momo nodded in agreement and curled up with the blonde as she selected a movie for them. Sneakily, she reached around her stoic counterpart and took her phone. She opened the app Snow and took selcas, posting them on Jungyeon's Instagram. Jungyeon did, in fact, notice this and leaned over her shoulder to join, the filters overlaying on her face and both of the girls smiled and laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "What would be your first move was president?"  
> *whips*


	5. October I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Trigger Warnings:  
> Homophobia  
> Homophobic Slurs  
> Blood/Gore

_"You can close your eyes to things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to things you don't want to feel."_

_― Anonymous_

Jungyeon had led Momo down to the coast again. It lit a strange sense of déjà vu in the brunette's heart as she approached the wide expanse of ocean that kissed the horizon with its azure waves. She giggled because, in a way, it reminded her of herself and her roommate. Jungyeon was the sky Momo so desperately wanted to be a part of and every day she lapped at her very edges helplessly, never feeling her full embrace. This extended metaphor faded in a rushed flurry when Jungyeon tugged her hand. It was then the Japanese girl realized, in embarrassment, she had frozen in place before the rocks to stare at the distant sky.

Biting her lip she carefully trekked over the boulders jutting from the sand, her hand tightening around Jungyeon's for security. In a blink they were sitting together on a boulder, their thighs touching ever so slightly as they did. Her heart rushed and Momo felt her face get warm as a blush glowed upon her cheeks. At first, she hadn't the heart to look towards the blonde but when she did she was staring. This only made her blush go from a petal pink to a vivid rose red. That's all it took: a look at Jungyeon and the bubbly Japanese girl melted. The blonde smiled at her and slipped her fingers under Momo's chin, tilting it up slightly as she leaned closer. That's when it happened.

"Momo." Jungyeon's voice roused the smaller girl from her blissfully innocent dream.

 _A dream._  Momo's heart fell as she looked up at her roommate in a sleepy haze. "Jungyeonnie?" She questioned not only her roommate but herself.

It had all felt so real and maybe "blissfully innocent" wasn't the right words. Was the dream really innocent at all? Was any dream like that innocent? Momo wasn't sure.

"Are you feeling sick again? You're all red again." The blonde looked down at her with concern making her brows furrow together.

"No, Jungyeon. It was just a dream." Momo murmured.

"A dream? Can I hear about it?" Jungyeon asked politely.

This made Momo's eyes snap open and she was wide awake. "No. I think it's best I don't share."

Jungyeon pouted and did something Momo had never seen her do before.

_She used an aegyo voice._

"Why not?" Her voice was higher and cuter sounding.

It took everything in the Japanese girl not to turn into a blushing puddle right there. Instead, she fought fire with fire. "Because I don't want to embarrass you, oppa." She replied using her aegyo.

Jungyeon raised an eyebrow and the brunette knew she was thinking about something even though she didn't say anything to her roommate who was bundled up in her sheets and curled up against her chest. Instead, she just poked her softly on the nose before getting up. This, however, didn't hide the pink lemonade shade blush from tinting her cheeks.

"Get dressed." Momo flashed her roommate a confused look. "Remember my promise?'

This got Momo's attention and she nodded before slipping out of the Korean girl's bed. The brunette decided to try and look nice and settled on layers for the crisp fall air. The outfit of choice was a coffee colored tank top, a powder blue and tan plaid pleated skirt, a pair of black tights, maroon socks, a heavy jean jacket that belonged to Jungyeon, and a pair of Adidas. She was tempted to pull her hair back but decided otherwise. The blonde, on the other hand, stuck with her same usual androgynous and monochrome style.

Jungyeon elected to wear black skinny jeans, a maroon hoodie sweatshirt over a black t-shirt, timberlands, and a black jacket. When Momo caught her roommate trying to retrieve her dark coat she slapped her hand away and forced one of her bright blue ones into her hands. With a frown, the blonde reluctantly took it and put it on. They each grabbed their phones and keys and whatnot before leaving their dorm together. Momo didn't know where they were going so she just followed her roommate because she knew she could trust her.

When they arrived at what seemed like a small hair salon Momo felt slight misunderstanding but said nothing. She instantly ate whatever doubt she had when she walked in a saw the sleek set up they had. Jungyeon took the initiative and signed both of them in before they were escorted upstairs. The Japanese girl didn't see her roommate after that until the end of the quote "big reveal." The stylists were nice to Momo and took good care of her and the only anxiety the small girl had was in fear of what her roommate would think.

She wouldn't outwardly admit it but, the other girl's opinion meant a lot to her. When it was time for the said reveal Momo felt like her knees weren't strong enough to hold her weight. Swallowing her pride, she counted to three out loud before turning around. Her eyes met a welcomed sight: Jungyeon had her hair trimmed and dyed back to a soft chocolate brown which seemed to have hints of red. Her momentary delight fell away when her roommate's eyes widen and she stalked up to her. Gently, Jungyeon brushed her fingers over the ends of Momo's hair which were cut just above her shoulders. The most drastic change, however, was that her dark brown hair was now a stark black that faded into a rich navy at the very ends.

"Do you like it?" Momo fumbled with the zipper on her jacket.

"Mmm." The usual response made no change in her distressed spirit. "I love it. It brings out your pale skin." Jungyeon finally said.

The feeling of nervousness was flooded with a feeling of fleeting excitement at Jungyeon's approval. The Japanese girl reverted back to her usual bubbly self again.

♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ ♭

_"I'll love you even when I can't"_   
_"I'll love you even when I shouldn't"_   
_― Colleen Hoover, Confess_

When she saw the pet store Momo begged Jungyeon to let her go and she agreed only after a lot of pouting and aegyo. The brunette promised her roommate she would meet her there because she had to stop by another store to pick up some things for class. A small pout touched Momo's lips but she allowed her to leave as she walked into the small store. Tanks of fish lined one wall and another were small rodents. A door led to the cats for adoption and the neighboring one was dogs. The Japanese girl pressed her hands into the glass as she watched the dogs, waving at them and making funny faces.

"Are you interested in playing with them?" A familiar voice made Momo turn around.

"Chaeyoung!" The small nineteen-year-old smiled at the older girl. "Your hair!" Momo exclaimed!

Chaeyoung had dyed her hair a little darker and had long extensions hidden in her hair making the once short hair long with voluminous waves. The tiny girl looked embarrassed as she ran her fingers through her hair. If Momo hadn't known any better she would've thought her hair was really that long.

"It's so pretty long!" The black-haired girl said with a wide smile. "And you work here!" Momo pointed to the girls rolled up jeans, white polo which had the store logo embroidered on the upper left side, the apron tied around her waist that had paw prints printed all over it in bright colors, and the name tag pinned under the logo on her shirt that said "Hi! I'm Chaeyoung!" Though, under it written in marker said "puppy."

Chaeyoung nodded and rubbed one of her arms. "Part-time as a groomer."

"Wow!" The older girl's eyes widened. "They call you puppy?"

She nodded. "I've been told a lot that I have puppy eyes."

When Momo thought about the statement it was true. Chaeyoung's eyes were round and cute like puppies and with makeup accentuating her under eyes she looked like a cute, innocent little pup.

"Come on," Chaeyoung unlocked the door and invited Momo into the room with the dogs.

When the Japanese girl kneeled down she was instantly swarmed by a bunch of fluffy friends. Giggling she tried to pet all of them and play with them. Tug of war and fetch ensued with the energetic dogs and Chaeyoung watched quietly. A knock on the door sent the precious pets crowding the door where Jungyeon stood. She slid in carefully, corralling the dogs so they couldn't escape, and sat down in a chair next to Chaeyoung.

"I got you something," Jungyeon said quietly.

Momo straightened up. "What?"

Her roommate laid a lanyard in her hand that was printed with strawberries all over it and Momo noticed Jungyeon wearing one with green palm leaves all over it. "I love it! Thank you!" The brunette didn't expect it when the black-and-navy-haired girl threw her arms around her and hugged her tightly.

Something tickled against Momo's lets causing a small shout of surprise as she pulled away from her roommate to see what it was. A fluffy, medium-sized white dog sat beside her. One of its ears flopped over and she guessed it was because it was still young. She reached her hand out and the fluffy pup rubbed its nose against her hand before pushing its head into her palm to be pet. Momo couldn't help but baby talk at it in Japanese, her voice in aegyo as she cooed at it. A second voice joined hers and it took her a minute to realize it was Jungyeon translating the words into Korean for the dog.

"Sweet little mochi. Precious rice ball. Adorable tofu." Momo cooed as she scratched the fluffy white dog's ears.

When Chaeyoung heard Jungyeon say tofu in Korean, she broke into a fit of laughter.

"My roommate," she gasped between laughs, "Dahyun," her hands wrapped around her stomach as she giggled, "We call her tofu too because of her pale skin." She finally managed to get out between laughs.

The other girls started laughing too and the sweet dog leaped up into Jungyeon's lap to lick her cheeks happily, only making the girls laugh more. The bell over the front door chimed and Chaeyoung looked like she was about to fall out of her seat as Mina came into view. Momo looked at Jungyeon with a smirk which the auburn-haired girl returned with a roll of her eyes.

"Mina!" The nineteen-year-old ran to hug the other girl who returned the gesture just as enthusiastically.  
  


Momo and Jungyeon only stayed a little while longer, chatting about how big the white dog would be. They eventually agreed it would be very big and Momo mentally noted to look up its breed later. As the prepared to leave Jungyeon was forced to take a selca with Momo and the pup she had grown to love. They both kissed the white fluff on its head and left quietly, trying not to stare at Mina who stood behind Chaeyoung, her arms wrapped around her waist and her chin on her head. With their fingers laced together, they began to walk back to the dorms until Jungyeon made a turn towards a small grocery store.

The automatic doors parted for the two girls and the redhead grabbed a basket before pacing up and down the aisles. Every so often she would stop and read a label before putting the item back on the shelf. Momo took this opportunity to take some candid shots of her roommate as she shopped. The best one she got was when she made a silly joke and Jungyeon's face lit up as a wide smile spread across her lips and she began to laugh, her eyes becoming crescent moons as she giggled. The picture was so cute Momo wanted to die right there in that moment. With a few items in her basket, Jungyeon paid for them with both her and Momo's money. She bagged the groceries in a brown bag before balancing them on her hip so she could still hold Momo's hand.

As they walked away from the storefront a voice filled with disdain addressed them.

"Disgusting dykes." The voice hissed at them.

Momo felt chills run down her spine as Jungyeon stiffened behind her. Slowly, the auburn-haired girl passed the groceries to her roommate before turning to face the stranger.

"What was that?" The daggers sewn into the Korean girl's words made Momo's blood run cold.

"Nothing." He said, almost spitting the words.

"No," Jungyeon snapped. "Not nothing." She stepped closer and the Japanese girl tightened her hold around the brown bag. "What did you say?" She hissed.

"You're disgusting dykes." He repeated.

The way Jungyeon raised her chin slightly and narrowed her eyes showed how exceptionally infuriated she was as she stared the man down icily.

"It's not worth it." Momo strained her voice as she urged her roommate to walk away.

The redhead must've heard because her eyes flashed over her shoulder at Momo before slowly turning around to stalk away, her eyes staying locked on the antagonist as long as possible. The black-haired girl met her halfway and took her hand. She was going to pull her away quickly until the man took the opportunity to snarl at them menacingly.

"Filthy faggots."

An object hit Momo dauntingly hard against the side of her head making her stagger clumsily. Something hot a sticky damped her skin and she knew very well what it was and it made her knees weak. Jungyeon's face twisted into rage at this. She whipped around and her eyes seared into the man with pure hatred for his actions. Not sparing a second, the taller girl punched him hard and Momo wasn't sure if the cracking sound was his nose or her roommate's hand. Her ears were ringing anyways so it was difficult to tell. The stranger collapsed with just the sheer force of the hit and blood spilled from his nose. Jungyeon turned, took Momo's hand, and pulled her quickly into her arms to steady her.

With urgency, the Korean girl directed Momo into the train station and onto the train that pulled into the station. The worried girl was able to see past the adrenaline coursing through her to realize the raven-haired girl needed help. She took off her jacket and dark sweatshirt, passing the maroon hoodie to her as she slipped her jacket back on with some difficulty. Her hand was mottled with black and blue and blood crusted over her knuckles. With careful hands, she patted the outerwear against her roommate's head in an attempt to sop up the blood getting into her hair and eyes. Momo winced at the pain and gritted her teeth as they rode to the correct stop for the hospital. The screeching sound of the train was unbearable to the disoriented Japanese girl as the train sped along the tracks.

Black rings enclosed her vision making dark tunnels cloud her sight. Nausea washed over her in dense waves. In an attempt to ease her discomfort, she started slowly lowering herself into Jungyeon's lap. It suddenly felt like everything was spinning and distorting all around her and the floor had been pulled out from under her. The throbbing in her skull made Momo weak as her vision turned black completely. The last thing she remembered was the sound of Jungyeon gasping her name and the intercom going off to announce their arrival at the Medical Center.

_"Like a driver who has lost control of his vehicle, I was bracing for the impending crash."_

__― Zack Love, Stories and Scripts: An Anthology_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grammarly has saved my ass so many times last minute ya'll wouldn't believe.


	6. October II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's supposed to get better from here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Trigger Warnings:  
> Hospital  
> Anxiety /Panic Attack  
> Homophobia (briefly, flashback)  
> Homophobic Language (briefly, flashback)  
> Bruises/Gore  
> Anger/Bullying  
> Depression  
> Mild Dissociation

_"You were unsure which pain is worse -- the shock of what happened or the ache for what never will."_

 

 

_― Simon Van Booy, Everything Beautiful Began After_

It was a lot like waking up after sleeping for twelve hours or only two. Her body felt heavy and caked with exhaustion. Her skull felt like it was pounding so hard it would burst at the seams. Her limbs felt cramped and sore and she wanted nothing more but to fall back into the blackness of her dreams but she could not. Just as she couldn't sleep, she couldn't move. A great weight lay upon her, and not just figuratively, but literally. Something heavy rested upon her and while it made her warm she could feel her limbs falling asleep from the constant pressure. A sigh of relief escaped her lips as she wiggled her toes and she could see them move under the sheets despite her bleary vision. A flash of burgundy in the corner of her eyes made her glance around wildly until she finally took in the body lying on top of hers. Her fingers played with the very ends of the girl's hair earning a small mumble from her as she nuzzled into Momo's neck.

When her eyes fell upon a blue monochrome scan of a head with dark blurs on one side and little cracks across it she felt her stomach drop. It all started coming back in violent and vicious flashes that made her eyes sear and her head throb relentlessly behind her temples. The sudden rush of the realization made her heart race and an unbridled surge of anxiety made her shake. Gasping for air her hands felt over the bed until one pressed down on a button. The only sound in her ears was the ringing of the heart monitor and the ragged breaths she let out in panic. A pretty nurse came running in to help. One of her hands softly cradled Momo's cheek as she cried and this stirred the body lying on her. The nurse checked her leads and the small machines before pulling a chair over to explain.

"I'm student Nurse Chou Tzuyu. Do you know your name?" Her strange accent made it hard for Momo to keep up at first but, she quickly got the hang of it.

"Hirai Momo." Nurse Tzuyu shined a light into both of the Japanese girl's eyes.

"Very good." Relief touched her features for a moment before she continued, "How are you feeling?"

"A little sore." Momo groaned just mentioning it.

The pretty Nurse nodded and she jotted down a note, laughing nervously. "I'm a med student at the small college nearby," She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "I can get a doctor for you if you would like."

The dark-haired girl shook her head slowly. "Where are you from?" Her voice fell into a whisper as the sleeping girl shifted.

"Taiwan. My parents wanted me to go to college and make the family proud. Honestly..." Her voice lowered, "I don't like med school. I want to help people in my own way." She said shyly and Momo smiled at her.

Absentmindedly, Momo ran her fingers through the resting girl's hair. Gently, softly,  _lovingly_ , she stared down at her as she did.

"She wouldn't leave your side," Tzuyu remarked. "It took a lot to convince your roommate to step away for a minute to get a cast on her broken hand and let us take you for a CT scan." She said with admiration.

_My roommate._

"She cares about you a lot."

_Jungyeon._

_"I'm Yoo Jungyeon."_

_"You have nice skin, don't forget to take care of it."_

_"You can sleep in my bed again."_

_"How could anyone be mad at you?"_

_"You're cute."_

_"Jungyeonnie?"_

_My Jungyeon._

"Do you know why you're here?" Tzuyu's questions snapped Momo back to reality.

"Excuse me?" She felt her face get hot in shame.

"Do you know why you're in the hospital?" She elaborated.

_"Disgusting dykes."_

_"What was that?"_

_"Nothing."_

_"What did you say?"_

_"You're disgusting dykes."_

_"It's not worth it."_

_"Filthy faggots."_

Momo felt like she was suffocating. Her shoulder shook as she began to hyperventilate and this woke up Jungyeon with a start as the ravenette began to sob.

"I think...," Momo swallowed as her eyes darted around the room in a panic. "I think I was attacked."

♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ ♭

_"Just when you think it's reconciled, accepted, someone points it out to you, and it just hits you all over again, that shocking."_

 

 

_― Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever_

Grief is said to present itself as the Kübler-Ross model. After a traumatizing event, the victim goes through four stages until reaching the fifth: finally and completely coming to acceptance. It is a tool to help frame and identify what one may be feeling but they are not stops on some linear timeline of grief. From a nonsubjective viewpoint, grief is more like a tangled, intangible mess of emotions in no particular order. There is no schedule because it comes on its own accord whether it is expected, wanted, or not. The victim may be fine one minute and not the next and  _that_ is just how it is.

"That's never going to happen to me" is a sentence often heard in regards to many subjects. However, this statement is most commonly associated with assault. Momo far too regularly thought that she would never be a part of the fraction of women assaulted in Seoul, let alone the small percent of LGBT citizens.  ** _Denial_**  was almost instantaneous for her after the incident occurred. To Jungyeon's dismay, Momo tried to convince herself it was an accident. It was hard to face anything even herself when the area behind her right ear and just the very top of her neck was dabbled in a large bruise which was a constant reminder. The Korean girl knew she needed time to come to terms with it but it was hard to watch. The nightmares were worst of all. It was almost a nightly occurrence for Momo to wake up screaming. The redhead spent a lot of hours awake at night coddling her until she went back to sleep again and remaining awake to make sure she slept through the night.

Many days were spent with dark circles, numerous cups of coffee, and once or twice Jungyeon was sent out of class to sleep because she looked about ready to collapse. Unfortunately, the situation didn't get better. The Japanese girl's night terrors were disturbing the other residents of their dorm and complaints were filed to not only their RA but to the headmaster. This made things difficult. The dark-haired girl was told to get therapy or live off campus until she could sleep soundly without any other disturbances. It was quite a unique set of circumstances and the dilemma was stressful for the both of them so Jungyeon had to make a judgment call.

_She called her sister._

Calling Seungyeon wasn't necessarily a bad thing. The predicament was that Jungyeon hadn't spoken to her in years. (To be fair, it was not nearly as long as she had ignored her parents.) As the phone rang the Korean girl forcefully swallowed her pride and waited patiently. When she heard the call connect her stomach dropped slightly.

"Jungyeon?" Her sister's voice was more hurt than anything.

"Seungyeon. I need your help," She finally got out around the lump in her throat.

Her sister listened to the situation. At first, she was going to scold her little sister but then decided she had a few choice words for the man who hurt them. (Some were shared on the phone and, to Jungyeon's surprise, Seungyeon used a select number of curse words.) When the taller girl got to the part about their current impasse with the school the older girl realized what she was asking. She knew very well that her sibling wouldn't do this for just anyone, she wouldn't even call her parents if she was dying, but the fact she called for her roommate showed how much she cared about her. So, she agreed to the request, her only condition was that Jungyeon was to keep up with her school work.

Jungyeon couldn't possibly describe how relieved she felt. When she told Momo what was happening she only shrugged and agreed halfheartedly because of the tauntingly small number of hours she slept. When they arrived at Seungyeon's two-story house the androgynous girl felt slightly sick to her stomach when her sister came out the front door. Momo was surprised at how much they looked alike. They had a lot of the same features, the only difference was that Seungyeon had long, straight black hair. She invited them inside and showed them to their rooms and despite offering Jungyeon her own room she declined since she knew better than to leave Momo in her room alone.

♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ ♭

_"I've lived too long with pain. I won't know who I am without it."_

 

 

_― Orson Scott Card, Ender's Game_

Momo was almost always in a good mood. Her bubbly attitude could make anyone smile, even the often emotionless Jungyeon. While the two girls stayed at Seungyeon's house her younger sister spent a lot of time in the sunroom practicing on her second favorite instrument, the gayageum, since her thick cast made her clumsy on piano. The Japanese girl would often lounge on one of the benches and listen in silence. They spent a lot more time in silence and not the good kind they had enjoyed before. It was suffocating and a huge rift between them. Everyone could feel it.

One night when Seungyeon was out with friends, Jungyeon heard something break outside. The sound of a shattering pot sent her out of her bed quickly. She busted through the back door only to find Momo standing over the broken pottery. Her eyes rose to meet the Korean girls and they hardened. This made the redhead feel uncomfortable.

"Momo? Is everything okay? Are you hurt?" Jungyeon asked as she cautiously approached her roommate.

"I shouldn't be hurt." She glared back at her. "I didn't deserve it."

Jungyeon was shocked at the way the usually sweet girl was acting.  ** _Anger_** was the last thing she expected from the smaller girl.

"What are you talking about?" She had extended a hand to her but quickly drew it back when Momo turned her back to her.

"You should've been the one hurt." She froze in her spot as the onyx-haired girl cast a glance at her over her shoulder. "You were the one antagonizing that man. You were the one who held my hand. You did this. It should've been you." She spat the words like they were poison in her mouth, her hand instinctively going to cover the now purple and green bruise behind her ear.

Jungyeon swallowed. "You don't mean that." She felt her throat get tight.

"Oh, I do. You did this to me. It's all your fault!" Her voice rose into a resentful yell. "I hate you Jungyeon. I wish I had never met you!"

"No!" Jungyeon nearly screamed.

The taller girl threw her arms around Momo desperately but she wasn't having it that day. Lashing out, she shook off the short-haired girl and pushed her away causing her to stumble and fall.

"I hate you." She reiterated again, her voice dripping with animosity as she turned and walked back inside, allowing the door to slam mockingly behind her.

The racing sound of her heart blocked out everything else and when Seungyeon got home she would find Jungyeon there on her knees still. The girl still so surprised she didn't take notice to the clay buried in her knees from her fall and the blood dappling the concrete red.

♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ ♭

_"Remembering. Forgetting. I'm not sure which is worse."_

 

 

_― Kelley Armstrong, The Calling_

Jungyeon made a point to avoid Momo for a while. The girl didn't listen to her play the traditional instrument anymore. They slept in different rooms and it took a lot of self-control to keep the Korean girl from checking on her roommate at night. When the burgundy-haired girl got back from class one day she overheard a conversation between her sister and the Japanese girl. The clinking of cups against the countertop made it easy to image the smaller girl with her hands wrapped around a mug and whispered softly to the woman.

"Would that still have happened if we hadn't stopped to get groceries?" Momo's voice was hoarse.

"I don't know." Seungyeon's voice was always very comforting and Jungyeon had always thought it was soft like velvet.

"What if we left later? Left earlier? Even then?" She sounded like she was  ** _Bargaining_** to avoid the situation.

"I don't know." She repeated.

"What if Jungyeon hadn't faced him? Would he still have thrown the brick?" The black-haired girl sounded close to tears.

"I really don't know." Jungyeon could imagine her sister reaching out to gently rub Momo's arm as she spoke. "I do know that now it has happened there's nothing you can do to change it. I think that that man went out and when he saw you he had a plan. He had the motive to act. I don't think that would've changed no matter what variable was adjusted." She pointed out kindly. "I think it's best now to try and avoid bargaining to change the situation. It's over. It's done."

Jungyeon decided the pause in their conversation was a good time to enter the kitchen. She slipped in quietly, taking two jars out of the cabinet and a spoon from a drawer, and walked out without looking at either of them. She plopped down in the seat Momo used to occupy and twisted open the two lids, dipping her spoon into both containers and putting the mixture into her mouth.

"What is that?" A familiar voice made it hard to swallow the sticky sweet mix in her mouth.

"Seungyeon found it in the American section of the market. It's peanut butter and this fluff stuff. It tastes like marshmallows." Her response sounded dull and her eyes stayed on the jars in her lap.

"I just wanted to say-"

Jungyeon got up, spoon in her mouth as she screwed the lids back on and put the jars in Momo's hands. "Try some."

Her voice had a slight tremor to it as she turned away and walked into her room, the door slamming shut behind her and throwing her spoon away. The redhead really did want to hear what the girl had to say but when she looked at her she only remembered how angry she was and it makes her feel sick and when her eyes barely saw the bruise behind her ear it made her feel guilty. Chewing on the inside of her cheek she quietly snuck into the bathroom that connected her room to Momo's. She opened the drawer and a familiar feeling washed over her as she stared down at the scissors in the drawer with other miscellaneous objects. She set them on the counter, planting her hands on either side of them and letting her head hang.

She never noticed how long her hair was and she always promised herself that she wouldn't let that happen again, that she wouldn't fall back into her old habits. Calmly, she cut her hair over the sink and what was once shoulder length was a short bob again.

"It's rude to stare," the redhead muttered as she brushed the stray hair off the counter and into the trashcan.

Her sister, who had been posted in the doorway the entire time, pursed her lips before answering. "I almost thought you would let your hair grow out again," She moved up behind her younger sister, looking at her in the mirror. "You were so pretty with long hair," Her fingers played with a strand of her hair as she spoke. "We looked like twins when you had long hair."

"I hated my long hair." Jungyeon snapped at her, pushing her older sister's hand away from her hair.

"Is that why you keep cutting it off or because you think it's cute?" Her sister tried to inquire stealthily.

Jungyeon stiffened before whipping around to face her sister. "You are not my therapist. You are not my mom. You are my sister and, despite all of that, you should know when to mind your own business."

Seungyeon just smirked. "Always a firecracker."

"I don't need or want you babysitting me." Jungyeon's patience was thinning.

"I'm going to give you some good, sisterly advice anyways," She smiled at her sister, "Okay?"

This earned an irritated sigh and a resentful nod. "You are an ocean: deep and vast. You can be soft and give life or be a force of nature and take life away. Do not try and inspire someone to love you by drowning them in you. Fill them over the brim with love for themselves and whatever overflows is love for you." Seungyeon stared at her little sister in the mirror before leaving her to ponder what she said.

Jungyeon considered it for a long time before walking through her room and into the hall. She stalked her way quietly towards Momo's room, the walls reverberating the silence. The girl with burgundy hair stopped in her tracks in front of her roommate's room where she paced restlessly. Momo didn't notice Jungyeon's presence until she cleared her throat which made her jump.

"Jungyeon." She breathed before pulling her into a tight hug. "I didn't mean those things I said I was just so angry. I was so angry and frustrated and I shouldn't have taken it out on you." She whispered in her ears. "I care about you and I couldn't hate you." She tightened her grip desperately. "I'm so grateful I met you despite all of this."

Until that point, Jungyeon stood stiffly in her grasp but slowly after those words, her hands wrapped around the black and navy-haired girl's waist and her nose nuzzled into her jaw softly.

"I care about you too, Hirai Momo."

♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ ♭

_"Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it."_

 

 

_― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire_

There's something very jarring about watching someone go through the five stages of grief. Their personality becomes flexible and able to mold into each distinct feeling. Their body is but a capsule to contain the great mood swings. The most frightening is, however, the fourth stage. You learn a lot about a person when they become numb. Their face isn't outwardly gaunt but they feel that way inside. It was 9:08 am when Momo woke up and Jungyeon was already at her class. Her eyes felt constantly wet and she knew that if anyone looked too long, stared too closely, or spoke too loudly, she would fall apart into a series of sobs right there.

She was hyperaware of her limbs and how much it hurt to move them. The effort it took to just roll over made her tired and she felt an overwhelming sense of exhaustion. Her mind was a one-way street into oncoming traffic and each thought that traveled across it ended up as a wreck. She felt like she was using feathers for stilts and it hurt too much to smile. It was 9:09 am and Hirai Momo was smothered undeniably and inescapably by  ** _Depression_**  and it made her mouth dry and hands shake. A lump was constantly in her throat making it hard to speak. Her feelings were internalized, she had trouble articulating her feelings, and everything felt foggy.

The only light that seemed to slice through the gray haze was Jungyeon. And, when she got home before noon and slipped into the bed with the Japanese girl, she felt the first shred of warmth, of light, that morning when the androgynous girl was with her. Despite being around her often Momo was still feeling constantly sad and on the brink of a breakdown, but Jungyeon assured her it was okay to feel that way. Not once did the taller girl try and make Momo exert any unnecessary effort to be happy or sociable and she greatly appreciated that.

♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ ♭

_"You couldn't relive your life, skipping the awful parts, without losing what made it worthwhile. You had to accept it as a whole--like the world, or the person you loved."_

 

 

_― Stewart O'Nan, The Odds: A Love Story_

It wasn't the sound of the shower running that woke up Yoo Jungyeon. It wasn't the crying from the bathroom or the sound of cars outside. What woke up the girl was the absence of the smaller girl in her bed. She sat up blearily, looking around the room in the dark until her eyes came to focus on the slivers of light spilling from under the door to the bathroom. A distinct feeling of fear sent her sprawling out of bed inelegantly. Stumbling, she blindly maneuvered through the room hoping not to wake anyone up. Her fingertips met the cold metal doorknob but no matter how hard she tried the door wouldn't open. It wasn't stuck or locked, she was just afraid of what she would find. It was a frighteningly familiar sense of déjà vu as she leaned her forehead against the door.

"Momo...," Her mouth felt dry. "Is everything okay?"

There was no response from the other side. Swallowing slowly, Jungyeon opened the door and felt the breath knocked from her lungs. Momo was curled up in the bathtub, her arms wrapped around her legs. She was wearing only her undergarments and her clothes laid in a sopping mass beside the shower. The water around her was blue and black from her hair dye and she shivered under the water, which was turned into the coldest setting. Her lips were turning lilac as she let out a shuddery breath. If the Korean girl didn't know better she would think that her roommate had filled the tub with her tears alone. Quietly, the redhead took a towel out from under the sink and slid down onto her knees beside the tub.

She reached a hand under the water, goosebumps exploding over her skin as she turned off the shower. She wasn't entirely sure of what to do so Jungyeon made an educated guess. Rising to her feet she kicked off her socks and her sweatshirt before sinking into the tub with Momo in only her shorts and an old t-shirt. Careful hands lifted the shivering girl into her lap and wrapped the towel around her tightly, holding the weeping Japanese girl against her chest. The Korean girl tried to ignore her bulky cast on her hand as she cradled Momo in her arms. One of Jungyeon's hands brushed the faded wet strands of hair out of her roommate's face as she whispered in her ears and nuzzled into her wet skin in assurance.

"I was attacked... it really happened." Momo's voice was less disbelief and echoed with a sad aura of  ** _Acceptance._**

Jungyeon nodded and dried the ravenette's face with the towel with gentle pats, ignoring the feeling of Momo trailing her fingers over the small scars scattered over her knees from the broken glass. ****

"It can only get better from here." The smaller girl said through chattering teeth.

Jungyeon thought she was going to cry as she pressed a fluttery kiss against her roommate's cheek softly before placing a second more tender one on her forehead and a third on the now greenish-yellow with hints of lilac bruise behind her ear. Momo just looked up at her and smiled softly, wiping the last few tears from her face as she did.

Grief is said to present itself as the Kübler-Ross model. After a traumatizing event, the victim goes through four stages until reaching the fifth: finally and completely coming to acceptance. It is a tool to help frame and identify what one may be feeling but they are not stops on some linear timeline of grief. From a nonsubjective viewpoint, grief is more like a tangled, intangible mess of emotions in no particular order. There is no schedule because it comes on its own accord whether it is expected, wanted, or not. The victim may be fine one minute and not the next and  _that_ is just how it is.

It is hard for the person going the stages and it is hard for their loved ones. Easy? Hardly. The strain put on relationships can either strengthen the bond or erode it away. Grief isn't simple. It's nowhere close. Anyone who has experienced it before could tell you that. Those who have experienced it before tend to feel number the second or third time. Grief more than once doesn't roll off like water on duck feathers. It's stabbing pangs in your chest and zero motivation to even try. It's tiring and Jungyeon didn't think she could go through all of that again but she was so concerned for Hirai Momo she didn't feel it pass at all. To her, Momo was what kept her grounded and, God, she was so thankful to have her in her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof


	7. October III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is a new day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Trigger Warnings:  
> Angry/Aggressive Behavior  
> Gore References  
> !!!Medical Content at the End!!!

_“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”_  
_― Marilyn Monroe_

 

When they moved back to their dorm there wasn't a teary goodbye from Seungyeon or a welcome back party thrown for the two exhausted girls. It was quiet and almost secretive as they unpacked their belongings. The taller girl had her cast taken off finally and was still getting used to it while Momo adapted to her own symptoms.  As the sound of shuffling feet filled the dorm Jungyeon's phone went off.

 

"Well. What is it?" The redhead went quiet as she listened. "You're serious?" She sighed as she responded and her fingers pinched the bridge of her nose. "I wasn't prepared for this. I had something planned today, Jimin." She was visibly clenching her jaw as she listened. "Fine. Meet me at the dance studio in an hour. I'll see what I can do." She hung up and turned to her roommate.

 

"There's been a minor change." She said shaking her head.

 

The two girls finished putting away their belongings before changing into clean clothes. Jungyeon elected to pull on a pair of fitted jeans, a simple t-shirt, and an oversized coat to keep warm in the fall air. Momo slipped into a pair of leggings, a tank top, and one of Jungyeon's fleecy sweatshirts. They tied their laces and the Momo, whose hair was now faded to a brown, waited patiently for Jungyeon as she put a few things in her bag along with her laptop. The Korean girl took her hand and walked close beside her as they headed across campus to the fine arts building. The brunette took the opportunity to scan her keycard which was on the lanyard the redhead gave her last month.

As they approached the studio they were met by more than just Jimin. He was there with his music group and... a group of girls?

 

"Jihyo, Mina, Sana, Nayeon, Chaeyoung? What are you doing here?" Momo asked curiously.

 

There were other unfamiliar faces in the crowd like a short pale girl with rich brown hair who just smiled meekly at them.

 

Mina spoke up first, “We’re here for Jungyeon… sort of.” She said twirling a piece of hair around her finger before leaning in close to the other Japanese girl. “We are mostly here to protect Jimin from Jungyeon. That never get along. They fight like cats and dogs.”

 

Jihyo stepped forward, making sure she was in between Jungyeon and Jimin.

 

"Jimin called us about the project," Jihyo stated, noticing the way Jungyeon looked confused. "Didn't you hear? The professor is making everyone swap songs."

 

"What?!" Jungyeon shouted.

 

♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ ♭

 _“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.”_  
_― Bob Marley_

 

"I'm not trading with Jimin," Jungyeon stated firmly. "There has to be someone else."

 

"There's no one else," Jimin hissed, his friend Namjoon was holding him back from the redhead.

 

"I refuse to do this," She shot back, glaring at the short blonde boy and trying to force herself out of Jihyo and Nayeon’s arms.

 

"Then you'll fail the course. This project is worth 40% of your grade!" He shouted back as he tried to get out of his friend's tight hold.

 

As they argued Momo snuck into the empty studio, shutting the door to block out their yelling. The sound of a man shouting made her stomach twist and the loudness of it was making her head hurt profusely where the skull had been fractured. It was hard to comprehend the first time she heard it. A skull can't fracture, right? Wrong. It can and hers did from the brick thrown against her head. There was so much blood the doctors weren't sure if the bleed was from a hematoma or not. There was a lot of worry but, luckily, the blood was from the cracks across her temple and the busted skin. The worst was the concussion she had and her memory had gotten a little faulty from it and her ears had become sensitive to loud noises. If she wasn't careful she would get sharp headaches and would be bedridden for hours.

The Japanese girl decided not to risk it as she put on some hip-hop on a low volume, allowing her body to move to the melodic beat with sharp, flawless movements. Her brown eyes trained on the reflection of the door opening and closing in the mirror. Jungyeon came up behind her and wrapped her arms around her waist.

 

"They told me to cool off," she mumbled. When she tried to kiss the shorter girls head and she jerked away her face turned from annoyance to concern. "Are you okay?"

 

Momo shrugged. "My head just hurts from all the shouting." She tried to make it sound as if it wasn't as bad as it was.

 

"Do I need to call Tzuyu?" Jungyeon asked as she turned Momo to face her.

 

"No, it's really fine." Momo wanted to insist more but her roommate frowned. "Would it make you feel better if I said yes?"

 

The Korean girl perked up, "Yes, it would."

 

The brunette sighed in defeat. "Fine. Call her."

 

It took about half an hour for Tzuyu to get there and when she did she apologized excessively for the delay because the train was late and she missed her stop and she felt bad. Momo assured her it was alright as the pretty med student started looking over her carefully, both of them sitting on the springy wood floors.

 

"How has your hearing been?" She had waited patiently for Jungyeon to leave before asking any questions and made sure she whispered quietly since she was so close to her ears.

 

"Sensitive," she rubbed her right ear just thinking about it, her fingers barely grazing over the yellow and green bruise behind it.

 

"And your memory?" The Taiwanese girl shined a light in Momo's eyes.

 

"Spotty. I told Jungyeon the same story three times yesterday on the way home."

 

Tzuyu nodded. "Well, your memory might be a bit out of sorts for a while." She sat back and tucked hair behind her ears as she dug through her bag, which was filled with textbooks and papers. "Don't worry. Everything looks good. Just take it easy."

 

The other brunette smiled faintly before signing heavily, her shoulders sagging slightly as she did. There was a long silence and Tzuyu’s hands froze in her bag, there was a minute before her eyes rose to meet the curious ones belonging to Momo.

 

“How have you been… psychologically?” She thought about it for a second longer. “I mean, mentally and emotionally.”

 

The question was an uncomfortable one and it made the older girl pick at her cuticles as she mulled over an answer. “It’s been hard.” Her eyes drifted to the door for a moment before dropping to the floor. Her hands lowering as her nails scratched at a hangnail. “I put Jungyeon through a lot.”

 

“I didn’t ask about Jungyeon. I asked about you.”

 

Her fingers stopped working against her skin at that and she thought about it for a long time. “Sometimes… I want to shout it from the rooftop.” She exhaled softly. “I want to scream and yell about how they just... look at us that way.”

 

“What way are you talking about, Momo?” Tzuyu asked.

 

“It’s that look of disgust, disappointment. People walk the streets not knowing. They pass by me not realizing. My classmates say hateful things not noticing and I just want to cry.” She looked in the mirror, staring at her reflection. “I feel like I’m screaming in a crowded room and no one can hear me because they don’t understand how it feels to be targeted for something you can’t control. They don’t know what it’s like to have a brick aimed at your head for holding the hand of someone you care about. They don’t notice the people being hurt because…” Her head dropped into her hands. “Because we just happen to love someone like us.”

 

The Taiwanese girl used her steady hands to rub soothing circles on the upset girls back. “Have you considered journaling or writing? It could be a good way for you to relieve those feelings. You could even post your thoughts anonymously if you really want people to know how it feels.”

 

The older brunette looked up and wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand, nodding lightly. “That was a good idea, thank you. I think I’ll try that.” She pushed her bangs out of her eyes and sighed briskly. “Now,” she used her sleeves to dry her face and stood up straight, “No crying in the studio.”

 

"Do you mind if I study here? I don’t want to get back on the train yet." The med student fumbled with the zipper on her bag as she looked up at her.

 

"Of course, you can. I don't mind at all." Momo smiled at her weakly, watching briefly as Tzuyu moved into the corner to read a textbook and take notes.

 

As the Japanese girl began dancing again she noticed the young girl watching her ever so often and it made her smile. A number of songs played and each time Momo was able to adjust to match the tone of the music. The melody of each song buzzed through her making her spirits lift and her energy get high. This was the first time she had danced since the accident and she had missed it a lot. When she would listen to Jungyeon play the gayageum she would choreograph dances in her mind, desperately trying to pretend she was still dancing. To be able to do it again made her heart flutter.

 

"How did you do that?" A shy voice snapped her out of her thoughts.

 

"What?" Momo turned to see Tzuyu standing a few feet away.

 

"That move, how did you do it?" She asked shyly moving to Momo's side.

 

"Oh! Like this." She showed her full speed and then slowed it down, demonstrating the movements step by step.

 

When she got the hang of it she smiled brightly and continued watching and copying Momo. Tzuyu was soaking up the dances she was learning, mastering them quickly until she was moving just as fast as her experienced counterpart. When her phone went off she fumbled to an awkward stop before sulking and answering the call. From what Momo could tell it was her father calling about school and how it was. The young girl who smiled so brightly when she performed now looked like the life had been sucked out of her. When the called ended she dropped her phone into her bag, pulled her hair into a ponytail, and turned to face the dancer.

 

"Show me that last one again." Momo smiled at her request and obliged happily.

 

♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ ♭

_“Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent”_

_― Victor Hugo_

 

            They danced for hours together and Momo truly enjoyed teaching the younger girl and seeing the look of delight on her face when she could perfectly replicate what she was seeing. There was a small pang of sympathy for the other brunette because she was being forced to pursue a career she didn’t like. Momo decided she would ask her about it later because right now a knock at the door distracted her.

 

“Come in.” She invited in the visitor, pausing the music as she did and apologizing to Tzuyu.

 

“Hey,” The girl with sandy brown hair stood in the doorway. “They came to an agreement,” Sana mumbled “finally” under her breath. “We are heading upstairs to the music room. Are you staying or going.”

 

            Momo looked over her shoulder at Tzuyu who nodded before stepping over to her bag to gather her things.

 

“We’re coming.” She responded with a small smile as she collected her personal items and met Sana at the door.

 

“Hey, Momo,” she whispered, her eyes flickering over to Tzuyu. “Who is that?”

 

“That’s Tzuyu.” She watched as Sana’s eyes twinkled.

 

“I’ve never seen her here before.” The dusty-haired girl said tilting her head.

 

“That’s because she doesn’t go here. She’s a pre-med student at another college. She just checks on me from time to time.”

 

Sana’s mouth formed a small O before snapping shut when Tzuyu joined them.

 

“Ready?” Her eyes flicked between the two art students.

 

            The two of them nodded before walking in silence down the hall and to the stairwell where they ascended the building quietly, the only sound being their shoes and the occasional sniffle. When they made it to the right floor they stepped out of the stairwell and into another hall, walking down to the door that opened into the sunny music room. Jungyeon was at the piano, a pair of headphones on as she listened to a music mix and analyzed the sheet music with Jihyo. Mina was with Chaeyoung going through the lyrics. The mystery girl from before sat on the floor alone; her finger drawing invisible circles on the wood floors as she kept to herself. Momo dropped down beside her with Tzuyu who didn’t spare a second before opening a textbook. This made the Japanese girl frown but she quickly turned her attention to the girl next to her.

 

“Hi,” She caught her attention. “I’m Hirai Momo.”

 

“I’m Kim Dahyun.” She dipped her head to her respectfully.

 

Momo felt the name was familiar and as she looked at the girl, taking in her soft wavy hair and pearly skin it clicked.

 

“Oh! Tofu Dahyun!” The comment made Chaeyoung giggle and the pale girl’s skin turn pink quickly.

 

“I’m going to kill you later, Chaeyoung.” She hissed at her roommate playfully.

 

            Momo didn’t notice Sana sneak over to Tzuyu and sit down beside her, her chin on her shoulder reading the same text. She rolled her eyes and took the book out of her grasp quickly which made her head snap up.

 

“Hey!” The surprise in her voice made heads turn.

 

“Why do you study so hard?” Sana teased as she stood up, flipping to a random page. “A Whipple operation is surgically termed a-“

 

“-Pancreatoduodenectomy,” Tzuyu said quickly as if being drilled, getting up to face the sandy-haired girl with her arms crossed over her chest.

 

Sana flipped to another page. “In a gastrointestinal closure, the mucosa of the intestinal tract is closed with-“

 

“-Chromic 4-0 or 3-0.” Tzuyu was getting annoyed.

 

“Why on earth would you want to know these things?” Sana asked flipping the pages and skimming them.

 

“I’m trying to pass my exams.” She looked like she was going to start gritting her teeth.

 

“Oh come on!” Sana exclaimed. The other girls tried not to listen but it was hard to ignore the commotion. “Do you really want to know these things?”

 

“No!” Tzuyu finally snapped. “No, I don’t! I hate studying these terms for a course I absolutely despise! I hate these classes and I would give anything to quit if my parents hadn’t threatened to cut me off!” a deafening silence filling the room.

 

Sana looked shocked and her face when pale as Tzuyu’s turned red. She lowered her gaze to the floor as she took the book from Sana’s hands. “I’m only in school because my parents are paying my way. If they found out I quit pre-med…” she stopped and kneeled to gather her belongings.

 

A hand slipped under her chin and tilted her face up so her eyes met the soft ones belonging to Sana. She tucked a strand of the distraught girl’s hair behind her ear. “It’s not fair that your parents are putting you in this position.” She whispered, her eyes looking around the room. “Let us show you what university could really be like.” The group nodded and smiled at her encouragingly as Sana helped the Taiwanese girl to her feet.

 

Jungyeon took off her headphones and paused the music on her laptop before setting up the sheet music at the piano and a mic in front of her. Nayeon stood over her shoulder like a ghost after setting the lyrics up and stepping back, waiting to turn the pages. A soft melody wafted from the grand piano as she began to play, the redheads voice easily acclimating to the song as she sang.

 

[video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGMFJIKOMcc&app=desktop]

 

"Did you get that?" Jihyo asked.

 

Jungyeon messed with her laptop for a moment before nodding. "I got it." She straightened up and stretched. "Good job everyone. I couldn't have done this without you." She said sincerely.

 

The girls were originally planning to go to an early dinner together but Tzuyu had to walk to the train station and Sana was escorting her. Mina and Chaeyoung decided to work on a side project they had. The rest of them decided that sleep was a better option and parted ways. As Momo walked home with Jungyeon she studied her for a moment, taking in the way the setting sun tinted her skin gold and how the cotton candy clouds made her hair glow a soft pink and suddenly she came to a realization she had been oblivious to all along. The words tumbled from her mouth all too quickly and they made Jungyeon freeze in the middle of the crosswalk.

 

_"I think I'm in love with you."_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AUTHORS NOTES: Momo experienced three types of head injuries.
> 
> 1\. A concussion. We all know what that entails so no explanation needed.  
> 2\. A linear compound skull fracture with battle’s sign. This means both the skull and the scalp were broken. Battle’s sign refers to an injury of the petrous bone in the ear.  
> 3\. A coup-countercoup. This means the brain was injured where the injury occurred and then mirrored on the opposite side from hitting the other side of the skull.
> 
> So what does this mean? The brick made the impact with the (what I imaged to be the right) temporal lobe. The temporal lobe is the part of the brain that handles hearing, language, and language processing. When the brick hit her skull, it fractured the bone, broke the skin, and the inertia sent the brain “bumping” into the opposite side of the skull. The bouncing off of the other side causes the other temporal lobe to be damaged as well, this causes her hearing sensitivity. The battle’s signs account for the bruising behind her ear which is a common symptom of damage to the petrous bone in her ear. The memory mishap is from the slight damage hippocampus which handles basically explicit (easy to explain memories. Think: how to tie a shoe.) Basically, she forgets a few minor details every so often. I took this symptom from someone I know who has had multiple concussions and a hematoma. (By the way, hematomas are deadly so he is blessed that he lived.) I am not a doctor or anything close. I am taking AP Psychology so I am familiar with the brain parts but that’s about it. I don’t know how accurate this all is together but for the sake of the story let’s just let it go. It’s fiction.


	8. Update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uhhhhh, shit, hi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't be mad at me.

Hello everyone, it's me qloss_ily. I know I haven't been updating this in a long time and trust me, I have plenty of chapters I could upload. However, the direction this fic has taken is one I didn't originally want to begin with. I will post the rest of my chapters today but I doubt I will update for a long time. I need a break from this fic so I can regather my thoughts and remember why I started writing in the first place because I have forgotten the purpose and purpose is most important. So yeah, that's happening. I'm also working on a new fic, for now, to help keep my thoughts off this and I'm pretty excited about it. Also, I have a threadfic on Twitter. I update it every so often when I have time between everything else going on. It's a cute Yoonmin fic called To Sing to the Sea. It's pinned to my twitter which I'll have listed down below. I'll post another update when I have more to say or think of anything I've forgotten to say here.

You can find me on other social media...  
Instagram : @/qloss.mo3  
Twitter: @/qloss_ily  
Wattpad: @/qloss_ily

As of 15/5/2018  _Shelter_ is on Hiatus.

Thank you so much for your patience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only exclusively said here on Ao3, my new fic I'm working on is Yoomin, Taekook, and Namjin. It's called Bloom. (Also, Please note that I am too lazy to go back and edit all my past authors notes to my new usename. Rip. Just ignore that. Thanks!)


	9. October IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you love someone you tell them and you go from there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!! Second-Hand Embarrassment Warning!!!  
>  Trigger Warnings:  
> Discourse mostly.

 

_"Halloween is a day in which some people choose to wear a mask... while others finally feel safe to take theirs off."_

_― Steve Maraboli_

Jungyeon just stared at Momo for a long moment, panting slightly and shivering in the late October air. She fidgeted under the stares of everyone in the crowd, her eyes glued to Momo's as everyone watched... and waited. Confetti mixed with glitter flittered down around them and settled around their feet. The lights still flashed vividly around them painting the floor and their skin in different spectrums of color and reflecting off the glitter dusted on their skin and clothes and in their hair. The music was gone and it was completely silent. The Japanese girl tried to say something but words were caught in her throat and she was silenced with glance from her roommate anyways.

So it wasn't the most ideal situation, Momo would admit that. She wasn't happy about it either but it was an accident really. Maybe this is too far ahead.

_You see, it started one day prior._

"Happy Halloween, Jungyeonnie!" Momo leaped onto her bed and pulled the sheets away from her face.

They had been invited to a Halloween party at Taemin's place and both were excited. Well, Momo was mostly excited so she decided to be excited enough for the both of them. As Jungyeon stared up at her roommate she didn't say anything. She didn't pull her down into her usual morning cuddle. Instead, she just stared at her hands as they fiddled just under the sheets. Momo wasn't sure why she was acting so weird, she had been since the day they finished the music project. She just couldn't remember what happened no matter how hard she tried.  _Stupid head trauma_ she would think to herself as she pondered over it in class.

None of that mattered today because the party was today and tomorrow was Jungyeon's birthday so Momo had to do something really special. Since it was Halloween Momo wanted to do an adorable couples Halloween costume. She came up with a whole bunch of ideas: Silvermist and Rosemary from Tinkerbell, two sushi rolls, Minnie and Mickey Mouse, there were more but all of them were declined. This upset Momo because she wanted to look all matchy with her roommate. So, in frustration, she asked: Do you have any better ideas? Jungyeon's response shocked her. The redhead suggested they dressed up as the main characters, Kim Shin and Ji Eun-tak, from their favorite K-drama Goblin.

It was perfect. They had been working on it for weeks and Momo made Jungyeon promise not to tell anyone, although she had a hard time not saying anything herself. She was so excited she wanted to burst and tell all of her friends but somehow she still managed to keep it a secret. She spent time scrolling on the internet and searching stores for accurate clothing that matched the costumes worn in the show. Today was the day she would finally get to wear it, but most importantly: see Jungyeon in her suit. That, by far, was the most exciting thing to Hirai Momo.

"Jungyeon," the smaller girl frowned. "Aren't you excited? Today is Halloween!" She tried not to wiggle in her lap.

Jungyeon finally looked up and sighed, looping her arms around the brunette's neck and pulling her down. "You're right. I'm sorry. I am excited." She whispered, blushing as she felt Momo's nose nuzzle into her neck.

They spent hours in bed together since Halloween was on a Friday and classes were canceled to fix the roofs and do maintenance around campus. They only moved around every so often to get comfortable or get up to get a snack. They watched Halloween movies and cuddled together. Momo had her face comfortably pressed into her roommate's neck, the scent of eucalyptus and mint making her smile, and her hand rested gently on the redhead's collarbone, the very tips of her fingers just barely gracing her neck. They could've stayed like that all day if they didn't have plans that night.

"Momo... can't we just stay home?" Jungyeon asked quietly.

The Japanese girl groaned. "I worked so hard on our costumes!" She gave the taller girl her best puppy eyes.

"Can we just go for a little bit to show off our costumes and then come home?" She attempted to compromise, earning a sigh from the brunette.

"Fine...."

♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ ♭

_"If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you're scared that it's not the right thing. Even if you're scared that it'll cause problems. Even if you're scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it, and you say it loud and you go from there."_

_— Mark Sloan_

The party was already in full swing when they arrived together. Momo played with the straps of her green backpack nervously as they approached the restaurant. Taemin had rented out the place solely to use the rooftop for his party. The free catering was just a bonus. They walked up the stairs together, their pinkies linked together. The bass was so strong the floor vibrated as they made the way through the crowd, DJ Soda was playing her hits and keeping the party alive. Momo didn't like to drink so she had no problem sitting at the bar sipping on peach tea while everyone drank. They got lots of compliments on their costumes which Momo happily soaked up. It was a good night, even went someone decided to sign Jungyeon and Momo up for a roommate trivia to see how well they really knew each other.

Soda called them up, giving them a smile as she lowered the volume.

"What is your roommates favorite color?"

 _That's easy._  "Jungyeon's favorite colors are purple and black."

"Momo's favorite color is pink." The Korean girl's gaze flicked between her roommate's eyes as she smiled at her.

"Correct."

"What is your roommate's favorite food?"

"Jokbal is Momo's favorite."

"And yours is ddeokbokki." Momo said with a proud grin.

As the lights flashed around them in a number of neon colors which tinted their skin various shades of the rainbow, Momo couldn't help but feel her heart flutter. Jungyeon looked so lovely under the lights and in her suit. Her eyes reflected the colors and they seemed to dance across her irises like twinkling stars. That's when the brunette felt words tumble from her mouth before she could snap it shut to contain them. It was before she was cognizant enough to know it was happening and able to shove them down.

"I love you."

Glitter and confetti exploded from canons around them making their ears ring. The music stopped and it felt like a scene in a cartoon where the record scratches to a dramatic stop. Everyone went silent as the holographic streamers drifted down around them. The small pieces of shiny paper reflected the light and cast rainbows across their faces. It was silent and Jungyeon trembled uncomfortably under everyone's gaze. A chilly breeze washed through making the two girls shiver and Jungyeon looked like the air had been knocked out of her, her mouth opened as she breathed heavily. Momo was too horrified to look over at the crowd of people staring and her roommate kept her eyes glued to her. She suddenly remembered why Jungyeon had been acting so weird and it was because she had said those words before.

It felt like time stopped as they stared into each other's eyes and it took what felt like an hour to realize Jungyeon had stepped down off the stage and was shoving her way through the crowd. Her mouth, which had been opened in surprise, opened and closed until she finally came out of her momentary daze.

"Jungyeon!" She screamed, jumping off the stage and forcing her way through the sea of tightly packed people.

When she busted out from the compact collection of people she could still feel their stares searing into her back. Trying not to cry she turned and stumbled blindly down the stairs, tripping over her feet a few times. She shouldered her way between the wait staff and to the front door. The frigid air of October made her shake since she was no longer under the hot lights. She saw the androgynous girl walking down the sidewalk with her head low and hands in her pockets. Before she could stop herself, she was sprinting to her, her hand reaching out to grab her elbow and spin her around. When their eyes met the smaller girls, mind went blank and she felt like she forgot how to speak, how to make words go from her brain to her mouth.

"I love you." Her face got hot when the words came sprinting off her tongue. "Oh God... oh my God. That just came flying out of my mouth." She inwardly cursed at herself as she ran a hand through her hair nervously as she tried to think of what to say. "I love you. I just... I did it again." She bit her lip and swallowed down the fear in the pit of her stomach. "I love you. I do. I just... I love you, I just... Love...  _You_. And I have been trying not to say it and forgetting I've been saying it. I have been trying to mute these feelings and ignore them and not say it and... I can't help it. No one else is going to work out because I love you. I am so in love with you. You're in me. You're like... it's like you're a song stuck in my head. The most perfect, beautiful song. I could listen to you and dance to you for hours. Every time I listen to your song I find something new that makes me fall for you even harder." She felt tears prick at her eyes as she felt her voice crack and she realized the words had been falling from her mouth one after another. She felt stupidly careless but she couldn't stop herself from continuing. "I just can't think about anything or anybody. I can't sleep. I can't breathe. I can't eat because I am so consumed by you and hiding the feelings I have for you. I am so tired of hiding." She took a shaky breath. "And I just love you. I love you all the time. Every minute, every second of every day. I love you." A great weight had been lifted from her chest and, all of a sudden, Momo felt like she could fly. "God, it feels so good to just say that. I feel so much better." For the first time between all the words, Jungyeon looked her in the eyes. "I love you. It's the one thing I can't forget. It's the one thing I could hear at the highest volume and not feel pain. I love you, Yoo Jungyeon. I love you and only you." She heart stopped when she finally noticed Jungyeon hadn't said anything the entire time.

There was an overwhelming silence between them until finally, it became too much. Momo turned quickly and raced back to their dorm in shame. Embarrassment flooded through the shorter girl as she realized the full severity of what she had done. Narrowly escaping a fall at the top of the stairs, the Japanese girl dashed down the hall. The tears that had been brimming in her eyes and hanging onto her bottom lashes seemed to tease her precariously before they began to overflow. She fumbled to open the door before it finally released and let her in. She tripped through the doorway, pulling off her costume in frustration and slipping into a baggy t-shirt and leggings.

Momo collapsed in her bed, pulling the sheets over her head as she cried in an attempt to muffle her loud sobs. Her face was red and her eyes were puffy as she pressed her face into her pillow to sop up her tears. The small girl felt like she had been thrown into the exosphere and the breath had been sucked right out of her lungs. She felt herself shut down all of a sudden. She could smell Jungyeon's soap lingering on her sheets and pillowcases. The familiarity of it was no longer comforting but a repeated sucker punch to the gut.

_An exceedingly dire flaw made here was the lack of enunciation of the differences between these two girls._

Hirai Momo grew up in Kyōtanabe, Kyoto, Japan. Her childhood was rather normal. Her parents raised her to the best of their abilities despite being busy working two or three jobs at a time to support themselves and pay bills. Momo got her first job at a small ramen shop when she was fifteen and took on a second part-time shortly after. The only luxury she allowed herself to have was the dance classes she had been taking since she was young. Many claimed she was a prodigy in dance and she loved doing it because it was a sanctuary and escape. Very quickly she learned that she could only do so much and decided to apply to prestigious colleges. Her dance audition is what got her the scholarship she worked so hard for and she never looked back. However, a career in dance was a ridiculous idea to many people and after a year of college, she transferred home for a year to study at a local college while she searched for something else to major in since she was taught that her passion wouldn't get her far. Because she had to give that up a part of her felt trapped in a Plexiglas box while everyone around her lived fully and happily. Her sheer need to provide for herself and her family was the only thing keeping her together. A cavernous hole had been punched through her chest that couldn't be filled by any other subject but she all too rapidly forgot who she was, even when she danced.  _Being unsatisfied and unhappy was inevitable._

Yoo Jungyeon grew up in Suwon, South Korea which was a 35-minute bus ride away from Seoul. From the moment she was born the hand of cards she was dealt was against her so she spent much of her time bluffing her way through life. Her father was an exquisite chef and her mother worked at a restaurant full time so they were never around. Her sister started her acting career at a young age which left Jungyeon alone a lot of the time. Her siblings acting career also set her father's expectations too high. When Jungyeon failed an audition for JYP he was livid, accusing her of being a freeloader and not pulling her weight in the family. After school and weekends were spent in acting classes, dance classes, and vocal practice. Learning to play instruments was a secret hobby she took up when she realized she still had to go home between classes so she filled that time mastering as many instruments as she could. It was being a prodigy with music that got her scholarship but her father was infuriated. Her options were simple: continue her classes and audition again or go to college and be disowned. The only thoughts on her mind as she rode the bus to Seoul weren't about missing her family, but how soon she could start writing music. However, her childhood of strict rules and her father's abhorrence towards her quickly took their toll.  _Shame and silence were inevitable_.

So how do these two stories lace together? How could these two, who were the complete opposite, somehow manage to fit together?

_They contrast each other like night and day but have similarities like dawn and dusk._

Momo couldn't sleep. It was 3:49 am when she finally peeled herself out of her cocoon of sheets. Jungyeon's bed was empty and untouched and the Japanese girl tried to ignore it as she got dressed in a pair of leggings and a tank top, tying her shoelaces before pulling on a coat and walking to the dance studio. The air was icy cold against her cheeks and nose making them flush red. The sky was gray with a dull tint of blue as the moon dipped low in the distance. Her head was kept down, hoping no one would notice her on her walk. The only companion she wanted was Jungyeon, the only companion she had was the moon and stars.

Momo knew very well that if anyone asked any questions she would fall into a series of cries. She felt like she was underwater, everything slightly muffled and distant and just above the surface was Jungyeon and no matter how hard she kicked she couldn't break the surface. She was suffocating while everyone looked down at her from above the water, perfectly okay and content while she choked in the darkness below. When that feeling surpassed everything had a slight reverb that made her head throb behind her eyes and ears. She had flimsy feathers for wings and no matter how hard she wanted to escape she couldn't get off the ground.

And, suddenly, she was standing on the edge of a skyscraper. Her frail wings couldn't help her now. If a strong gust of wind came by she would be knocked off and plummet to the streets below. The lights of the city stretched out in front of her and faded into blurry colors washing into each other like watercolor and simply becoming an afterthought to the ultimate tragedy of a scene progressing around her. Everything was dull and dark and bleak. The tower of glass she had built up to keep herself out of danger was crumbling beneath her feet and if she moved too quickly she would fall onto the shards ungracefully.

It was 4:00 am and Momo knew she was hopelessly and entirely in love with someone who didn't love her back. The world around her seemed less alive as she neared the entrance to the fine arts building and as she turned her lanyard over in her hand she felt her hands tremble. Forcing down the feeling she scanned the keycard and trekked down the hall without making any noise. The silence was deafening and heavy to the brunette as she opened the studio door. Knowing no one could hear her Momo put her music on high, ignoring the aching feeling in her temples while she danced. This was her attempt to exert as much energy as possible in hopes to fall asleep but it didn't seem successful.

As her muscles grew tired Momo decided that Jungyeon would be back by now so she shouldn't be. Instead of going back to her dorm the upset girl walked down to the coast, retracing the path she had taken with Jungyeon before. It was a hopeful grasp at the last wisps of a happy memory.  _A memory._  Red in periphery made her head turn and she felt her heart palpitate for a minute.

"Jungyeon." Momo breathed her name with a sigh of relief.

Almost as if her presence was sensed, the Korean girl lifted her head and turned. A beat passed... and then another.... and another... they just stared at each other for minutes before Momo found herself moving towards her roommate. Her pace quickened and instinctively her arms stretched out towards the girl she loved so dearly. In a swift movement, Jungyeon hoisted the smaller girl up in her arms. At first, the brunette wrapped her legs around the redhead's waist but let them drop, her feet dangling a few inches above the ground. They stood like that, the sun beginning to dabble at the edges of the horizon sending streaks of pink, red, and orange through the black.

When her feet touched the sand gently Momo's knees felt weak. One of Jungyeon's arms firmly wrapped around her roommate's waist under her jacket to keep her from falling down. Her hands became fists, the redhead's blazer bunching up in her hands. The only noise was the sounds of the shore and the frosty breeze that stung their skin with its airy kisses. Momo could feel Jungyeon. She could feel the warmth radiating off her skin and her fingers playing with and running over the back of her shirt. She could smell her perfume and soap mixed with the salt from the ocean. She could hear her heart beating loudly against her sternum like a drum.

Momo had her mouth open so long she could feel her lips getting dry and she ran her tongue across them to wet them before raising her gaze to meet Jungyeon's. Their noses grazed each other and the Korean girl's eyes flickered up and down from her roommate's eyes to her lips. Cautiously, she began to lean closer, stopping every few centimeters to meet the brunette's eyes and make sure she was okay. When their lips were only separated by a sliver of space the burgundy-haired girl took a shuddery breath and tilted her head slightly before pressing her lips against Momo's delicately.

The kiss was tender and chaste, Jungyeon's lips were soft like flower petals and tasted like lemon and sweet tea. Heat seemed to spread through the brunette from her head down to her toes. It only lasted a minute before the taller girl pulled away, placing a second, quicker kiss on her roommate's lips before leaning back slightly to catch her breath. Momo's grip on her the redheads suit gradually loosened until her hands snaked their way up to Jungyeon's cheeks. She stood on her tiptoes, setting a light kiss on the Korean's girls lips before nuzzling her nose against hers softly. A pearly pink, not just due to the late fall chill, dusted over their cheeks and the taller girl hid her face in the Japanese girls neck.

"I love you." The words were slightly muffled but Momo still heard them and she smiled to herself, a feeling of warmth filling her up.

They stood that way for a long time until Momo's alarm went off on her phone. She dismissed it before kissing the top of Jungyeon's head.

"Hey, Jungyeon," she whispered.

She made her usual "mmm" noise and it brought a smirk to the dancers face.

_"Happy Birthday."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fucking finally, right???


	10. November I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes... it just be like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings:  
> Homophobic Undertones  
> Vague Discourse

 

_"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like."_

_―_ _Lao Tzu_

The sound of water running made Momo squirm in bed. Her hand patted over the nightstand until she felt the collection of keychains attached to her phone and grabbed them sleepily. The screen of her phone was too bright and ended up being dimmed. As the brunette scanned the notifications she finally noticed it.

_11:23 am_

_1 / 11 / 2017_

She let out a low whine, she hadn't meant to sleep so long. Kicking the sheets off she rolled out of Jungyeon's bed and stumbled over to the bathroom door, rapping her fist against it a few times.

"Jungyeon!" Momo sighed, looking at the clock on her bedside table. "I'm sorry I woke up late but you need to hurry up!" She shifted her weight between her feet nervously. "Jungyeon, what are you doing in there?"

The only sound was a quiet and drawn out "Um..."

Not sparing a second the smaller girl opened the door and found Jungyeon with her hair tied up in a towel, washing red off her hands which stained the sink.

"Are you bleeding?" Momo felt her face get pale as she walked over to look for injuries.

"No. It's hair dye," The Korean girl mumbled which made Momo freeze.

"What?" It came out through a clenched jaw.

Jungyeon dried her hands off on her baggy t-shirt before reaching up to pull off the towel wrapped around her head. Strands of strawberry blonde hair fell into her eyes before she ran a hand through them sending droplets flying everywhere as she swept them away from her face. Momo reached up to tuck a strand behind her roommate's ear, her finger running over her cheek.

"You're lucky it's your birthday otherwise I would've scolded you." Jungyeon rolled her eyes at that. "You could've seriously damaged your hair!" Momo snapped.

The taller girl sighed before kissing Momo's right temple. "Thank you for caring. Go get dressed and I'll dry my hair, I promise."

She reluctantly agreed and retreated to the main room to pick something for both of them to wear. It was a little difficult considering Jungyeon liked to wear very informal outfits, most of her wardrobe was jeans, hoodies or sweatshirts, and t-shirts. When Jungyeon stepped out of the bathroom Momo slipped in, making sure to tidy her hair and do her skincare routine before applying makeup. Her outfit was simple but still tasteful: a cream cashmere turtleneck with bell sleeves, a brown and blush colored plaid miniskirt, black tights, and black jodhpur boots. When she finished straightening her hair she stepped out to find Jungyeon in the outfit she had laid out. ****

It was minimal and tomboyish but still matched hers. She had on distressed jeans that were cuffed just above her ankle with holes on the knees, an oversized tan sweatshirt that said USA across the chest and had the sleeves rolled up, a black turtleneck with small slits in the sleeve for her thumbs, a black baseball cap, and sneakers. Without missing a beat, Momo threw her bag over her shoulder and took Jungyeon's hand, dragging her out the door quickly. They raced down the street hand in hand towards the subway station, a train pulling in right on time. Momo was ecstatic, elated, excited, all the happy e words she could think of as they headed towards the shopping district.

Upon arriving at their stop the Japanese girl leaped from her seat and yet again pulled her roommate off the train with a tug on her arm. The clambered up the stairs and out onto the main street which was already bustling with people. Momo frowned for no more than a second before her smile returned and she continued their mad dash to the location. When they got closer they slowed down so the smaller girl could cover the blonde's eyes upon their approach.

"Happy birthday!" Momo drew her hands away revealing the shop in front of them.

"Legos!" Jungyeon's voice rose excitedly. "Thank you, Momo!" She called racing into the shop.

Laughing, the brunette followed her excitable companion. Jungyeon was sitting around a table with a bunch of kids, her legs awkwardly crossed in front of her since she was taller than the children's' table could handle. She laughed with them as she built different objects on top of the table, her face lighting up beautifully. Momo stood behind her, running her fingers through her hair as she played and choosing to ignore the stares from the parents around them. It took a lot of snooping to find out what Jungyeon liked, well just a call to Seungyeon, actually, but the Japanese girl was amused regardless that her roommate had such a love for building blocks, especially Legos.

And, as Momo knelt down beside her and watched her hands work, her eyes trailing after her roommate's slender fingers as they pieced together the bricks, she felt herself love them too. Her own love for them only increased when Jungyeon turned to her and placed an object in her hand which turned out to be a small heart made out of red Legos. If asked she would deny it but Momo slipped it into her purse before they left the store. The last thing the smaller girl picked up was a big box of miscellaneous Legos for the Korean girl to play with later. It was already getting late in the afternoon as they stopped by their dorm to drop off the building blocks.

Momo laid on her stomach across Jungyeon's bed as she waited for her to change. She was taking her somewhere nice for dinner and had something important she wanted to ask her. As she waited she pulled over the strawberry blonde's laptop and opened a fresh document to compose a new post on. She had taken Tzuyu's advice and started a blog about her life after her accident and the way social standards need to change for the sake of others. It was completely anonymous and had gotten a lot of attention, both good and bad. The brunette yawned before yawning again... and again. Six hours of sleep wasn't a lot and Momo was feeling it by then.  _College is hard_  she thought to herself, deciding she deserved a nap as she slid the laptop on to the nightstand before slipping her arms under the pillow and glancing at the clock on the bedside table.

It read 3:22 pm.  _A short nap never hurt anyone_ she promised herself _._

♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ ♭

 _"I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?_   _"_

_― Ernest Hemingway_

"Momo," Jungyeon ran a hand delicately over her roommate's side. "You need to wake up." She nuzzled her nose against the Japanese girl's cheek, her breath tickling her ear as she whispered again. "Momo, you've slept almost four hours."

The brunette rustled some before rolling over with her back to the strawberry blonde who hummed in response. Jungyeon moved to sit on the edge of her bed, slowly brushing strands of Momo's hair away from her face. She stretched out at the feeling of someone touching her, a small noise escaping her mouth as she did which made the Korean girl's heart leap. Momo raised herself up slowly, her hands running through her hair a few times before her fingers patted her eyes to wipe away any makeup residue left over. She sleepily turned to Jungyeon, wrapping her arms around her waist and resting her head against her chest, which pushed the taller girl onto her back.

"What were you saying?" Momo readjusted to face the blonde before letting her eyes flutter shut.

"You napped almost four hours. It's past 7:30 now."

She whined again and nuzzled her face into the Korean girl's shirt, mumbling something about how stupid she was but she was so tired she just couldn't resist a nap. This made Jungyeon smiled and she promised Momo it was okay if she wanted to go back to sleep. The brunette quietly protested between a yawn and stretching again. She couldn't help it, as Jungyeon brushed her fingers through her roommate's hair she thought about how cute Momo was and it made her want to squeal in delight which was the exact opposite of her personality, mind you. Still, somehow she was infatuated, completely and entirely, and she couldn't help it. Hirai Momo always made the Korean girl feel some sort of way inside. The said feeling couldn't be accurately described in words.

Those who have felt it before know this to be true. It is utterly indescribable. That is also how Jungyeon would think of Momo: utterly indescribable, almost ethereal in terms as though she is too pure, too good, too perfect for this world. Too perfect for this world of self-destruction and temptation. One driven by self-preservation and disregard of the consequences and effects that has on others as well as their feelings alone. Regardless of those dire facts, Jungyeon gazed down at her roommate with a small shimmer in her eyes. The sound of the door unlocking made the blonde lift her head up as it was cracked open for a moment before being pushed open completely. Dahyun stepped into the room, not noticing the two girls as she fumbled to put her keys into her pocket with so many bags in her arms.

The brunette eventually settled on dropping them into one of the bags with a sad sigh before taking a step into the room and letting the door sweep shut. As she slowly walked in her eyes finally caught sight of the two and she stopped sharply. Her face turned a soft shade of red.

"Jungyeon! Momo!" Her voice came out in a squeak.

"Hi, Dahyun." Jungyeon waved awkwardly with the Japanese girl restricting her movements.

Momo rolled over at lifted her hand in greeting before beckoning her closer sleepily by patting the side of the bed. The flushed pale girl set the bags down before edging closer until she finally sat down on the edge of the bed. The younger tried to say something but her mouth just stayed open in surprise when Momo pulled her down beside her, her arms looping around her waist.

"Dahyunnie," Momo mumbled into the back of the brunette's neck and Jungyeon had to stifle a laugh with her hand when the light dusting of red across Dahyun's face turned three shades darker. "Did we scare you? I'm sorry." Momo's voice was very light as she spoke to the underclassman. "I took too long of a nap so we are behind schedule."

The only response from Dahyun was a small "Okay."

There was an awkward fumble as the girls resituated in the bed so they could stretch out their legs and rest their heads on the pillows up against the headboard. Dahyun was small enough to fit between the two older girls, her back pressed against Jungyeon's chest and her head laying on Momo's shoulder. The blonde tried to brush her fingers through the pale girl's hair to relax her some but she was fidgeting so obviously it was clear she was anxious to be in that position. Momo played with Dahyun's fingers reassuringly, her eyes flicking up to Jungyeon's occasionally as they laid together.

The heat between all of them was a lot to handle and Momo laid back, stretching out with a pleasant sigh to try and cool off. Her arms stretched up over her head tugging her shirt up some to expose the tops of her hips and a bit of her stomach. When the Japanese girl finished stretching out she looped her arms around the youngers neck and pulled her on top of her, nuzzling into her cheek before placing a soft kiss there. That's when Jungyeon had enough.

"What are you doing?" She snapped, sitting up straight quickly.

"Excuse me?" Momo let Dahyun go and she rolled off quickly, her hand pressed against the spot where Momo kissed her.

"What are you doing with Dahyun?" The blonde enunciated each word.

"Are you jealous or something?" Momo shot back, her eyebrows rising when Jungyeon didn't respond. "Oh my god! You are jealous!"

"Shut up!" Jungyeon hissed.

"Should I go?" Dahyun finally spoke up, her voice a pitiful squeak.

"No!" Both of them looked at Dahyun when the shouter their response before the two girls turned back to each other, their eyes locked and staring the other down.

"You can't just kiss anyone you want, Momo." Jungyeon almost growled but restrained herself.

"We aren't even dating so I can do whatever I want." Momo titled her chin up as she announced that proudly, a small smirk dancing over her lips.

There was a pause as Jungyeon processed that before Momo got an idea. The brunette pulled the underclassman closer before kissing her hard, her hands firmly pressed over the young Korean girl's thighs. Jungyeon watched in complete surprise. Dahyun was equally dumbfounded; her eyes were round saucers before she relaxed enough to let them close. Momo finally pulled away after a moment, smiling smugly when Dahyun gasped audibly in surprise as she nipped at her bottom lip playfully. The pale girl was red and fell back onto the bed to bury her face in the sheets as the two older girls continued their fight.

"Admit it, Jungyeon, you are jealous," Momo teased lightly as she slipped off the bed and stood in front of her roommate.

"I'm not jealous." Her voice struggled to remain level. ''I don't care what you do. You said it, we aren't dating."

"Fine!" Momo didn't mean to shout but she did. "I'll go kiss whoever I want then! It's not like I wanted to date you!"

She turned to walk away when the feeling of hands on her waist made her stop. She slowly turned to see Jungyeon at the edge of the bed on her knees staring up at her, her demeanor completely changing. It felt odd to be looking down at the blonde instead of looking up at her.

"You didn't want to date me?" The androgynous girl asked quietly and it caught her roommate off guard.

"Well... I..." What were words? Momo couldn't remember right then.

Jungyeon slipped her hands under the hem of the Japanese girl's shirt, spreading her fingers over her waist to soak up the warmth through her fingertips as she pulled her closer. "Are you sure? I wanted to date you." She hummed softly.

"You did?" Momo asked, her head instinctively dipping down to Jungyeon's.

The taller girl made a soft "mmhm" noise before straightening up to kiss Momo. It was somehow delicate and deep at the same time. Momo let out a quiet gasp when she felt Jungyeon take her bottom lip between her teeth carefully just before leaning back again.

"I want to date you too." Momo finally admitted after shaking the cloud of thoughts out of her head.

The grinned at each other for a moment, their faces lightly flushed and fading when Momo remembered the other girl in the room.

"Dahyun?" The youngest rolled over at the sound of her voice, her cheeks still a dark pink. "Are you okay?"

She shook her head. "That was," she had to swallow before she could finish. "That was my first kiss." She whispered in embarrassment and Momo almost died right there.

"Oh no. Dahyun, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to steal it from you." Momo gasped, glancing back at Jungyeon who raised an eyebrow.

"It's... okay." The pale girl finally responded as she sat up and wrapped her arms around a pillow, her face pressing into it to hide the blush on her face and ears.

There was a beat of silence before Jungyeon broke it. "Dahyun, do you have a crush on Momo?"

The pink turned to red all over again and Momo slapped her roommate's arm. "What? Oh, please! It's not like you weren't wondering it too!"

Momo looked over at Dahyun and it clicked. "Oh, Dahyun... you do, don't you?" The other Korean girl just looked at her hands. "I'm so sorry I had no idea."

A drawn-out silence followed close after the conversation. Jungyeon looked between the two before getting up and scratching the back of her head as she laughed awkwardly.

"I'm going to get ready with Nayeon and Jihyo. You two should talk," she said not missing a beat as she grabbed her things and dipped out the door with an uncomfortable smile.

When the door shut Momo looked back at Dahyun who twitched nervously, a frown on her face and a crease forming between her brows as she thought so hard. "So..." The Japanese girl drawled out awkwardly.

"So..." Dahyun whispered back.

"How long have you..." Momo's voice fell away as Dahyun straightened up and looked at her dead in the eye.

"Since the project switch."

 _Oh._ Momo looked down at her hands for a moment.  _That was almost three weeks ago._

The room fell silent again. Dahyun would sit up every so often and open her mouth as if she wanted to say something before snapping it shut and looking away. After a few minutes of that on repeat, she finally got the words out.

"I know I'm just a kid," This caught Momo's attention. "And I don't expect you to reciprocate anything because of that. Okay? It's really alright." Her voice fluctuated a pitch higher at the end making it sound more like a question than a statement of reassurance.

"Dahyun, you are a nineteen-year-old in  _college_. You are hardly a kid, a young woman maybe, but not a kid." Momo said sternly which made the younger shrink back slightly.

Momo took a deep breath before sitting down on the bed again, resting on her knees as she patted the space in front of her and watched Dahyun edge forward on her knees slowly. Momo took the pillow from her arms and set it to the side. Her hands grazed over the Korean girl's waist and it made her straighten up quickly, a shudder running through her as she rose up on her knees.

"I don't know how I feel. I'm really confused," Momo spoke softly, her hands pressing more firmly into Dahyun's sides. "But maybe if I just..." The words died away as she leaned up slightly towards the paler girl. "I'm sorry," she whispered, the gap becoming smaller. "Forgive me."

Her lips met the younger's and she felt her stiffen slightly before her muscles softened and her posture became less rigid. The kiss was a little sloppy but Momo didn't blame Dahyun for being inexperienced. The Japanese girl moved her hands from the shy girl's waist to her hips where she looped her fingers around her belt loops and pulled her forward so their bodies touched each other just barely. When Momo pulled back Dahyun was flushed and her fingers pressed at her lips with trembling fingers.

"I do like you too and I want to treat you like an adult, Dahyun." Momo tucked a strand of the smaller girl's hair behind her ear. "Would you like to go on a date with me?"

♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ ♭

_"Being silly is still allowed, not excluded by adulthood. What's excluded by adulthood is thoughtlessness, so be thoughtful and silly"_

_―_ _Hank Green_

"That was very adult of you," Jungyeon nodded as she spoke before putting the end of her straw in her mouth and taking a sip. "I'm impressed."

"Thank you." Momo smiled but she was fumbling with the end of her dress under the table.

Dahyun had stayed in Momo's room, fast asleep on her bed having been bored waiting for Momo to find the perfect outfit to wear to Jungyeon's birthday dinner. Momo then met her roommate at the restaurant where the manager graciously allowed them to eat despite missing their reservation by a landslide. There they sat and chatted over food, taking in the pleasure of each other's company.

"Jungyeon, I'm confused though." The brunette sighed heavily. "I like you but I like Dahyun. Isn't that wrong? Won't that be difficult?"

Jungyeon shrugged. "It's wrong if you're old-fashioned and will only be difficult if you make it so." She said simply before taking another bite of her meal. "Besides," her hand covered her mouth as she spoke with her mouth full. "We're all grown adults. I think we can make mature decisions by now."

Momo nodded slowly and stayed quiet as she allowed the words to fully sink into her mind so she could understand them completely. The sound of the grand piano inside brought her some comfort as she pondered the matter before speaking up again.

"Jungyeon, there's something else."

The seriousness in her voice made the blonde stop chewing for a second. She gave her a confused looked before wiping her mouth with a napkin and nodding to Momo to continue.

"We're talking about adult decisions and I guess we're dating now, right?" Jungyeon nodded again, trying not to interrupt. "Well, now that we are dating I wanted to ask... I was hoping that... maybe we could... if you're up for it..." Momo played with the ice cream sundae in front of her nervously, stabbing her spoon into it following every word.

"Momo could you just spit it out?" Jungyeon asked teasingly which earned a nervous giggle from her roommate.

"Jungyeon," Momo took another breath before letting her spoon go and resting it on the edge of the bowl. "I want you to come to Japan with me and visit my parents over break."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all for now. Thank you all so much for sticking with me this long.

**Author's Note:**

> I will post Trigger Warnings at the beginning of every chapter, though most don't have any triggering content at all.  
> This fic is also on Wattpad, my username is the same as my one here.  
> If you have any inquiries feel free to contact me.


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